(an older photo but perfect for this post)
I spent the majority of this semester (We work with college
students so I tend to break my year into semesters)
feeling completely and utterly dry in my spiritual walk. Feeling as
though God was barley there. Feeling as though He may have moved on without me.
I was stuck. As a believer I know these things to be lies but when you are in
the midst of it they are so easy to believe. Satan is so crafty.
There were days
where I wouldn't even open my bible because I knew that God wouldn't speak. At
least, I thought I knew. That's really how I felt. Not something that you hear
a "good christian" admit but there it is. The truth. I was in the desert.
Almost two weeks
ago now I had the amazing privileged to go on a retreat and listen to
a lady (Margie Atwood) speak. Oh goodness. Did she encourage my soul with the
truth that she shared. I wish that every woman at some point in their life
would have an opportunity to hear her. A-maz-ing woman of God!
I also had
an opportunity to speak with her and Cyndi (One of
my hero's) one on one. They were so encouraging to me. I poured my
heart out to them. In the process I began to discover a lot of burdens that I
was carrying that I needed to let go. Cyndi shared a picture that she felt like
the Lord gave her for me. I was standing under a fountain and water was washing
over me and I was happy! Boy oh boy did I ever need that water to wash over me.
The Lord began to do a work in my heart there.
My times with
Jesus have been sweeter. I am still being renewed and washed but honestly,
that's a daily thing anyway. Margie shared two things that weekend
that have been stuck in my mind. They were for me to hear.
1.) She shared a
truth that the Lord taught her and it's this simple. She heard the Lord tell
her one day,
"It's not a change in you but
a reliance on me."
Ding, ding ding!
We have a winner! I mean, hello and duh! I am a doer. A fixer. I can come up with
a plan and make something happen. The thing is, I can't make myself perfect. I
can't make myself more like Jesus. I
can't renew and replenish my own Spirit It's
Him. It's all Him and it's always been Him. I just have to rely on Him. *deep
sigh of relief*
2.) Habakkuk
3:17-19 (Amplified Bible)
17 Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the
vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food,
though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the
stalls,
18 Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious]
God of my salvation!
19 The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my
invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk
[not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual]
progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!
My version:
When things are bad. When it seems
like you can't move forward. REJOICE in the Lord of your salvation! He is your
strength, your bravery, your army. He helps you to keep walking, not
to just stand there and do nothing, but to keep walking and make
progress. Not just physical progress but spiritual progress even in
times of trouble, suffering and responsibility.
Oh glory hallelujah! I seriously need that truth in my life. I
have spent the last week and a half letting these two truths soak in. There are
moments when I am still in the desert but let me just say that as these two
truths have washed over me like a gushing fountain and I am totally renewed.
God is so good. SO faithful. He knows just what we need. When I was in that dry
place, He didn't love me any less. He is good!
I felt a need to share this. Maybe because I just needed to write
it down or maybe because someone really needed to hear it. Either way, there it
is. I hope you are encouraged as I am!
