Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Daughter Wife

Deuteronomy 5:16 ""Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you."

I know this verse is true and I know that this is a command. I also know that there is no age limit set. I guess the real thing is that sometimes I do not know how to do this or that I just don't.

It is SO hard to find the balance of parents and fiance'. As marriage approaches and more and more things change this is more and more difficult. I will admit, I am HORRIBLE at taking the things that my parents say to me and learning from them or applying them. I know that they have more wisdom than me. It is almost like I act like they are out to get me. I know that they are for me and not against me but for whatever reason my actions show something different.

I know that I did some things to hurt my mom. I honestly don't even know that they are but I know that it has to do with my unwillingness to receive her wisdom and council.

Proverbs 1:7-8
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
Proverbs 4:1
Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.
Proverbs 23:9
Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.

I have been a fool.

The Daughter Wife

A ring on my left hand
A promise in my heart
Preparing to stand at the altar
Promising to never part.
Exited about the wedding
A wife I will be soon
Spending my days planning
Ready for the new.
Although things are changing
And soon I will be gone from home
I must not forget
No matter where I roam.
I was born into a family
I was first a daughter
I must never forget
To love and honor my mother and father.
I have forget too often
I often seem like I don’t care
That I do not desire to honor
Please hear my heart, let me share.
This is not my desire
I truly want to show
That I am so very thankful
And no matter where I go;
I want to strive to honor
Even though we may be worlds apart
I will always be a daughter
You will always be in my heart.
I will remember what you have said
Even though sometimes you think I don’t hear
I really am listening
Your words will remain near.
I often feel like I have failed
To let you know how thankful I am
So If I do not tell you enough
Thank you again.
I will always remember
I hope you always see
That even though a wife I am becoming
Your daughter I will always be.


Beth said...

Words so sweet and so true. It is hard to find that balance, but know that moms know what we are going through, and their hearts are always for us and with us. I have learned, looking back as an adult, that our parents have always and will always do and say things because they have our best interest at heart. And we have to learn to accept it. It is a hard lesson learned...at least it was for me.

Christopher Krycho said...

The trick, I have found, is learning to take - indeed, to seek - advice and counsel, and to genuinely value it. And then to make a decision for oneself. That's incredibly difficult to learn how to do, but it's also what we have to do. And how that plays out looks different with guys and girls, but it's the same process underneath. The parents are learning to respect us as adults, even as we're learning that they know something after all. :-P My parents and I have a very good relationship now, but it took us a long time to get there. I ask their advice on most major decisions. I don't always take it. I usually do, because they're usually pretty spot on with stuff. But not always, so I don't always follow it. That doesn't mean I'm not listening, and that's something they have had to learn: that I can be genuinely interested in and can genuinely value their advice even if I ultimately disagree with it and go a different direction.

Honoring them, remember, ceases to mean obeying them as we become adults. (If Moses had meant obey, he'd have said it.) Learning what it does mean takes a good deal of work. In my experience, with myself, with Jaimie, and with my sister Beth, I've seen that it also requires a very great deal of communication about expectations and feelings and perceptions so that people can all finally get on the same page. Because until that happens, people may all be shooting for the same goal, but missing each other wildly because of the vastly differing interpretations of the same actions.

You guys rock. Keep rocking.

Christopher Krycho said...

Addendum: I'm sure you already know this, but I'll reiterate it anyway for others who may not. That tension you speak of between parents and fiancé continues after you're married - but it's your job to shift it considerably in your mental framework, so that your husband is always first. Not so that he's always automatically right or any such nonsense. But if it comes down to a fight between him and your parents, you back him up (just as you would want him to do with the same situation with you and his parents). You have good families, so those situations will hopefully be relatively few. But when they happen, stand together, and remember that you have sworn oaths to each other; remember that your allegiance must be first to God, then to each other, and only then to all others.

Britt and Lauren said...

Beth - You are right. It is a hard lesson to learn, or at least apply.

Chris - Thank you. Those are all things that I have heard or know but it is a good reminder. I do know that when it says honor it does not always mean Obey. It is not like my parents even ask me to "obey" them. It is more that I put myself through some mental battle. I am learning though and it is streching me but the result is growth.

Christopher Krycho said...

I think that's probably a pretty normal thing, actually. Most of the girls I've talked to go through that to some extent or another. We guys do less of the head games. (We have other issues. :p ) Praying for you both!

Justin said...

WOW!... That made me cry.