Friday, February 28, 2014

What Motherhood is Teaching Me

As I sit here and write this entry my sweet, little man is playing on the floor with some cars and a race track. Every time he is ready to release the cars to make them go down the track he turns around, looks at me, and waits for me to say, "Ready, set, GO!" and off the cars go down the track! He wants involvement, he wants approval, he wants to feel like I care about whats important to him. He is only 21 months and these things are so important to him. Lesson # 1 - I can be the one cheering him on and encouraging him and as a result I am a first glimpse to him of what Christ is to us. Cheering us on for good! Cheering us on in the race of life. I often look to my Lord for love and approval and I find it every. single. time. So thankful for the opportunity to be that example to my son.

As I sit here I feel the kicks, jabs, and what seem to feel like stabbing pains these days, from a sweet, little girl who will soon be a VERY big part of this world and our lives. If I stop and think about labor I cringe. I have heard of some people that "like" labor. I even know some people who like pregnancy. I am so not one of those women. Labor? No thank you. Pregnancy? Not a fan. So what made me do it again (and even a little faster than some)? Well, it's the after result. I am totally and completely willing to endure the pain and discomfort because of my indescribable love for the little person growing inside of me. Lesson # 2 - Oh the love of my Heavenly Father! He knowingly (totally aware of the pain he would go through!) went to the cross for me so that he would have the opportunity to have relationship with me! That's a seriously wonderful thought!

Granted, I have also learned things like:

- The "Mom look" totally works.
- Just because someones kid looses it in public doesn't make them a bad parent. (Oh, you just wait you non-parent people...)
- I can go longer than I thought without washing my hair. *thank you dry shampoo!*
- Baby gates and child locks are a genius design.
- I may never be able to go a day in my life again without getting drool, spit-up, poop, food, or some other product like these (that didn't come out of my body) on me again.
- I don't need as much sleep.... as I thought.
- T.V. is a luxury...

Really, the list of things I have learned could go on and on. But the thing is, all of those "little" lessons can't compare to the lessons motherhood has taught me about my Heavenly Father. What a wonderful gift to be able to have children and love them. It daily gives me a small glimpse of the Fathers love for me.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Growth. Seasons. Resting. Living.


I feel like I am doing a lot of it lately. Yes, in the literal sense (I am almost 31 weeks pregnant) but I really mean in the spiritual sense.

Do you remember when you were about 9-12 years old and the awful, achy feeling of growing pains? If you did not experience these count yourself lucky. I remember being in bed at night and just aching. I remember my mom saying, "You are growing into an adult. It hurts to grow." Amen and amen. It hurts in the literal sense *amen*. But it hurts in the spiritual sense too *amen*.

Our spiritual journey is similar to the physical in so many ways. Our pastor has been leading us in this thought process for awhile at church and the Lord is leading me through this process now. The biggest difference in our spiritual journey is that, in this life, we will not reach full maturity. Soooo, the growth process continues.


They change. Spring, summer, fall, and winter. Seasons change in the literal sense (especially in Oklahoma), but we experience them in life as well. They look different. Some seasons feel longer than others and some fly by. I am learning to love the seasons. Even the hard ones.

I am in a hard season. Young mom, pregnant, toddler, trying to do ministry, trying to be a good wife, trying to maintain my walk with the Lord... It feels like I try. a. lot.


After the growing and the seasons (especially with all that "trying") resting seems like a ridiculous idea. Or at least an impossible one. I have heard mother after mother tell me; "Good luck having time to yourself" or "You just think you're busy now, just wait till you have more kids" or "Just wait till you have teenagers". I feel like the message generally communicated from mother to mother is that it just gets harder, I will never rest and I better just brace myself for it. Rest no longer exists.

In my brief time as a mother I have learned one thing - opportunities for physical rest may be far and few between but spiritual rest (sitting before the feet of Jesus and letting Him renew) is of the utter most importance. It may come in the form of praise and worship music playing in my home throughout the day. It may come in the form of 10 minutes in my bible study here, 15 here and then 5 later to finish it off. It may come in the form of crying out to Him in the middle of a training moment where I think I may possibly loose my mind and scream. But come, IT MUST! I am fighting the lie that rest is impossible because I have learned that without it my success as a mother is not promising.

So, I am growing, changing with the seasons and learning to rest. In the meantime I am trying to remind myself of what brings my spirit the most rest and renewal. Here is a small list I am trying to incorporate more in my life:

* Music - Whether just have it playing in my home or me taking the time to sit at the piano and make it myself.
* Writing - In a journal, on the notes section in my phone or even *fingers crossed* on here. Writing makes me feel like I am putting feet to my thoughts.
* Fellowship - With other moms. With other ladies. With people that will push me forward and challenge me.
* Ministry - I need this. It fills my tank to invest in others. It pushes me in my walk with God.

I know that February is almost here and the fad of making "New Years Resolutions" has come and gone. Here I am though, on January 24 and I am thinking of this next year, what I am learning, the challenges and joys a new baby will bring, and what I need. I need to continue growing (despite the pain). I need to continue on in the seasons (even if it is long and hard). I need to rest (sit at the feet of my Jesus. The one who replenishes and fills).

But this is my resolution: To not fall into the mindset that my "life" is over as a mother. To remind myself that my life comes from the one who is the life giver. To continue seeking that life. Abundant life. The life that I crave and desire. The life that He desires to give.


It's what I plan to do!