Discipleship As A Mother

I was recently talking to a friend who shared with me a bit of a conversation that she had with another
mother/wife. My friend was asking her what she thought about incorporating discipleship in her home
while being a wife and mother and the reply was: “My Husband and I feel like right now my ministry is to
our children and they should be my sole focus.”

Your initial thought in hearing this comment might be admiration. I would never deny the fact that being
a wife and mother is beyond admirable and one of the greatest callings we as women can have. (Psalm
127:3) To neglect the gift that God gives through children is foolish. However, when I hear comments
like the one made my initial thought is not admiration but sorrow. Somewhere along the way that
couple missed the mark of what God has called us to do first and foremost - To make Him known!

If you make your children your ONLY focus what are you teaching them? That they are the most
important thing and nothing is more important. Once again, another statement that can so quickly
sound admirable but is not biblically correct. We need to be teaching our children that the kingdom of
God and His glory is the most important thing. “Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and
honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.” Revelation
4:11

If you create a “Holy Huddle” within your family you are making the goal of advancing Christ and His
kingdom impossible. Are you teaching them to reach the world by focusing on nothing but them? I
would dare to say no.

People often ask my parents what they did to raise us. They see my parents as successful because
they have four children who all love the Lord and desire to make Him known above all else. One of the
greatest things my parents ever did for my walk with God is opening their home to the lost and having a
continuous ministry. They protected us when necessary but they were also not afraid to get their hands
dirty. We had many talks on what we believe and why we believe it. These talks did NOT keep us from
reaching people who did not believe what we do.

Because of the choices my parents made to reach a lost world I saw firsthand Jesus in them. I saw what
it looked like to reach a lost world. “Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let
him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but
whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.’” Matthew 16:24-25.

My parents continually denied themselves and followed after Christ. They recognized the impact a

family could have for the kingdom. As a result, my love for discipleship and the lost was born. This
change in my heart did not take place by hearing one amazing sermon, reading a great book or reaching
adulthood. This happened in my heart and life as a result of seeing it lived out in my parents’ lives.

To feel like you should not be making disciples because you are a mom is really not a favor to your
children. You are doing your children a HUGE disfavor. They are missing a part of Jesus that they could
see in you!

The past school year I discipled 4 college age girls by meeting with them during my lunch break and in
the evenings. I know that when my son arrives this summer things will look different for me. My life will
change in drastic ways. However, discipleship will be incorporated into that life. When my son arrives I
will be having girls come to my home and they may be there while I am feeding Brightson, changing his
diaper, cooking dinner, doing laundry, etc… But the meeting will still take place. You see, the method of
how I disciple will change but the principle remains.

The principle that we are ALL called to make disciples (there was no clause in the great commission for
mothers) is there. (Matthew 28:18-20) But everyone’s method may look different because discipleship
is “life-on-life” and every life is different. What is your method? If you don’t have a method what could
your method be?

I believe with all my heart that as you reach the world for Christ your children will watch, learn and
mimic what you do. They will see firsthand the principle of discipleship. They will know what it means
to “Go!” and make disciples. It happened in my life and a lot of the credit for that is due to my parents.
God willing my son will see a heart to reach the world and make Christ known because of my example.

So don’t let statements like the one that mother made make you think that it is ok to not be reaching
the lost and making disciples. It sounds good to the ears but it is not the way Christ intended the
Christian home to be used. We should not withdraw as believers and create a “safe”, “Holy Huddle” with
our children. We should prepare our children while we have the ability to influence them in the greatest
way possible - By showing them the love of Jesus as we reach a lost world.

4.10.10 - 4.10.12

Two Years ago today, mid afternoon, I was laying in bed taking a short nap before going out to meet some good friends for a dinner and "girl time". My phone rang and I thought, "I'll call them back in a few..." Then Britt's phone rang. And then mine again. I rushed to answer it seeing that it was my mom. Before I even answered the phone I had a gut wrenching feeling that something was not right. 

To my horror when I answered I knew instantly. Something was not right at all! As my mom tried to talk stumbling over her words through fear and a lot of tears she began to tell me that dad and Justin were in a horrible car accident. She said that as far as she knew Justin was stable and she 'thought' dad was breathing but wasn't sure. Those are not words that you want to hear. 

As I listened to her talk, trying to tell her it was going to be okay and feeling at the same time that nothing was okay, I stumbled around the apartment moving as quickly as possible trying to get out the door. I have never felt so weak at the knees like I might pass out. I grabbed my purse and for whatever reason actually thought, "I should grab a jacket, hospitals are cold." Why or how I thought of that I will never know. 

Of course all of this time Britt is looking at me wondering what is going on. I just said, "Get ready fast. Dad. Justin. Hospital." In the blink of an eye we were in the car. I picked up my phone to call one of the friends I was meeting to tell her I would not be there. The moment she picked up and I tried to start to talk and tell her the tears fell in full force. I had not really said out loud what had happened. It was like until the moment of saying it out loud it had not happened yet. 

We made it to OU Medical center in record time from Norman. I was fearful that we would not get to say goodbye if the Lord chose to take one of them. If possible, I would not miss that chance. Once we arrived I ran into the emergency room entrance. My mom was there. I hugged her and she just cried. It was awful. 

More family arrived and we were put in a small waiting room. More and more people began to arrive and we were moved to a large area. I don't remember the exact number, it is written down somewhere, but in the ballpark of 200-300 people came through that night alone. It is overwhelming to see how loved we are. 

We were able to go back and see Justin. He was beat up with a broken ankle and shoulder. He also lost the tips of some fingers and he had a TON of scratches and bruises as well as very blood shot eyes. He was honestly better than I had prepared myself for which was good. We even joked a bit about some money he thought he lost in the accident. I told him the paramedics probably stole it. :) Mom said, "Oh, you guys stop, Justin I will give you the $20." He soon followed with saying, "Will you put it in my hand right now?" :) Our world felt like it was falling apart but in that moment I smiled and laughed and man did I need it. 

At this point we still did not know much about dad. We knew he was still alive but the wait to see him or hear was agonizing. Finally a Dr. called my older brother Brandon, my younger brother Jon, my mom and myself back to talk. My heart was racing. He began to list off dad's injuries that they were aware of. The list was ridiculously long and scary. My mom frantically signed papers that would allow emergency surgery to remove a bleeding/busted organ, inflate his lungs and anything else needed. Injuries I remember:

Busted Spleen

Most if not all ribs broken

Collapsed lungs

Shattered pelvic bone

Possible other broken bones 

Possible Trauma to the Head

There were more. I just can't remember them all. The Dr. said they were doing everything that they could and we should pray he would make it through the night. He told us it was bad, really bad. 

We waited and waited and waited. It was close to 11 that evening I believe before we were FINALLY able to go and see him. It was scary. They believed their was bleeding in the brain and they induced a coma medically to help him rest. That first night he was VERY restless. We would tell him what happened. That he was hurt but they were taking care of him. That Justin was okay. He would calm down for a bit. He looked bad but so much of what was wrong we couldn't see. We just knew it was there. 

After that restless night he became still. So still it was scary. They decided to wing him off the medicine to see if he would wake up. After several days of nothing it was determined that the coma they thought was only medically induced was not. He was in a coma and there was no way to know if or when he would wake up and in what state he would wake up. 

It was a little over a month before I saw him awake. Longer than that before I talked to him. Over two months before he even began to remember things. 

While he was sleeping so many things happened. They repaired, to the best of their ability his pelvic bone, lungs and other things. It was by God's mercy he was not awake for it. It saved him severe pain. 

When he woke up he was able to talk and after a while he knew who we were. That was by God's mercy as well. We saw, ever so slightly, improvement. Some days a lot and some says it felt like none. But God was working. 

The questions rang in our head, "God why?" I looked at my mom and thought "God why?" I cried myself to sleep too many nights thinking "God why? What is your plan in this?" I just could not see it. A lot of people told me a LOT of things but I remember two very specific things said by two people. 

"God NEVER gives us more than we can carry even though it may feel like to much to bare." 

"Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes God calms the child." 

I have said these two things to myself many times. I still remind myself of them to this day. 

The road was long. It is still a long road. Our life is more different then we could ever imagine. However, my God is the same! He was the same on April 10, 2010 and He is the same today April 10, 2012. Twenty years form now He will still be the same. So who is He you ask?

He is sustainer

He is enough

He is healer

He is provider

He is good

He is aba father

He is faithful

He is mercy

He is all that I need. 

I knew these things before that awful day. But I never knew them in the way that I know them now. My ability to relate with others suffering is so much greater. My ability to rely on God in times of utter confusion and defeat is greater. My faith has increased. I could have walked away bitter. Things are still different. They will never be the same. But I find myself loving and praising God all the more. 

I can say with all my heart that He is good! 

Cucumbers and Parenting

Week 26.

 I am in week 26 of my pregnancy right now. 

Saturday I will hit week 27, that is the third trimester! 

Every week that I am pregnant I get an email introducing my "new week". And every week the baby's size is compared to some food. How on earth they choose the foods that they do I will never know. Week 26 was a  English Hothouse Cucumber. What the heck is the difference in that and a regular cucumber? 

 

They are using the picture more to depict the length not the mass (thank God!). I am thankful for the quarter in the picture because I have no way to know how long that is. It truly makes me laugh every week and is probably the NOT the most endearing thing you could compare a baby to. "Hey you cute little 'English Hothouse Cucumber' you!" 

PalEAse! 

It's fun to joke about the fact that my baby boy is compared to strange food on a weekly basis but in all reality he is not cucumber. He is a real life, breathing, in the flesh, coming in three months whether I am ready or not,

BABY!

 HUMAN!

 OUR RESPONSIBILITY! 

Eck! 

Am I excited? Yes! 

More excited than a kid on Christmas! More excited than someone who just won a gazillion dollars!  More excited than getting 100 English Hothouse Cucumbers! 

Seriously excited! 

Am I scared? Yes.

When I think of the responsibility it is at times overwhelming. And it's not like I am an old pro at this parenting thing. Sure, I have said the classics: "I will never do that to my kids", "My kid will NEVER act like that", "THIS is how WE would handle this situation". Those are all cheap words now. Sure I thought that was realistic then. I can say "THIS is the kind of parent I will be" but what am I basing that off of? I can assure you it is NOT years and years of experience. When it comes down to it I don't know a whole lot. 

So here I am. This person who really doesn't know what I am truly getting myself into yet all of that aside it does not alter the fact that Britt and I are 100% responsible for raising this child. 

Wow. 

So today I realized how stinking grateful I am that it actually is NOT just Britt and I. Just like it is NOT just Britt and I in our marriage. There is another factor. 

God. 

SO thankful for the fact that I never walk through any new, scary, challenging situation on my own. SO thankful that my success is not based on my knowledge (although I totally know that seeking wise council from people will help a TON). SO thankful that I can say my dependence on the Lord as a believer, a wife, a MOM is what will determine my success. SO thankful that I am aware of how incapable I am and that I TRULY need the Lord's help. I could never do this without Him. How do people do this without Him?

With that in mind is there still a little fear? Yes. But there is an aspect of adventure, anticipation, not being able to wait to see how God works through this completely incapable vessel to raise a child. Raise a child that loves the Lord and fears Him. Raise a child that has a heart for the lost. Raise a child that calls my God-MY Abba Father, by the same name. Wow! I could NEVER do that alone but I cannot wait for the opportunity to be used by God to help lead my little man in that direction. 

So much wisdom needed here! 

So thankful for my Lord!

My Week

So many things have gone on in this past week I am not even sure where to start. My head is a mess with a brain just swishing around. Do you ever feel that way?

Friday the 27th - Britt and I are in staff meeting when we get a call - we thought Britt's dad was calling to tell us his grandfather passed away. We were surprised to hear that Britt's mom was in the Heart Hospital. We spend the rest of the day at the hospital. Britt's brother stays the night with us.

Saturday the 28th - We find out that it was not heart trouble. Praise the Lord! She goes home that afternoon. Britt's brother stays one more night. That evening through a serious of events and craziness (being up till 12am) the Lord begins to do a real work in Britt's brothers life. He is 13.

Sunday the 29th - We get a call at 6am. Britt's grandfather passed away. We go to church and pastor gives a great message. Britt's younger brother goes forward and gives his life to the Lord. An emotional day for sure. We spend a lot of the day with Britt's family and then we stay the night with my family.

Monday the 30th - Dr. Appointment for me. Shopping with my parent's, my Maw'Maw and Britt. Sometimes escaping it all is not a bad thing. Found out that Britt's other grandfather is having emergency heart surgery to put a pace make in Tuesday morning.

Tuesday the 31st - Work. Why can't you escape work on crazy weeks like this? Surgery goes well. We go to my older brothers house with several other couples to listen to a speaker talk about raising children. Home late. Bed.

Wednesday the 1st - Work. Clean house. Grocery shop. Britt's sisters come into town. One of them and her husband are staying with us. We actually go to bed a a decent time although I can't sleep. I am starving so I eat a bowl of cereal at 11. Bed.

Thursday today - Work till noon. Go grocery shopping for a retreat Britt and I are in charge of this weekend. Go see Britt's family. Go to a viewing of his grandfather.

Friday tomorrow - Go see the family, go to a lunch for the family, go to the funeral and graveside, jump in the car and leave for our retreat until Sunday afternoon.

Notes to self for today/this weekend:
- Take lots of deep breaths.
- Rely on the Lord knowing that His grace is sufficient and His joy is my strength.
- Remember what it means to celebrate a life well lived and that it is not goodbye.
- Be a support to my husband.
- Find the energy to give and invest where needed this weekend.
- Take more deep breaths and lean on my constant-one, Jesus Christ.

God's Leading in Our Life

‎‎"To change the world we must first change the way we see it; we must see it from a different perspective. A cultivated mind can see the universe in a falling leaf, an orchard in a seed, an ocean in a drop of water, eternity in a grain of sand. A cultivated mind produces more insight, possesses a richer sense of the world and enjoys a more attractive experience of reality." - Scripture By Heart - Joshua Choonmin Kang

Perspective.  Seeing things differently.

God has brought Britt and I on an incredible journey over the last 2 ½ years that we have been married. He has taken us places and we have looked around saying “God, why here?” only to see His perfect plan unfold, to see how he uses where we are to take us where He wants us. He is still doing that in our life and I don’t anticipate it stopping anytime soon.

Faithfulness.  Seeing God work through any circumstance.

The place God has brought us to for now is different than what I would have ever expected. If you asked me a year ago if we would be here I would look at you like you are crazy.

We are still, and continuing to, be at the OU BSU. That is a HUGE part of our life, and ministry. The biggest part in fact. But even through the big picture there are little details, circumstance, experience that truly make up the big picture. Without them the picture would be lacking.

Of course an obvious change to our BIG picture is parenthood. Wow! Will that change our lives? Truly I believe it will be only for the better. I cannot WAIT to hold my little man, my sweet Brightson James. A little guy that already amazes me and I have never even looked into his eyes. I cannot wait to look into those eye. Are they blue, brown, green, gray? I know they are beautiful.

Another change that many people don’t know about is our church. The body of saints that we are a part of. The place we go to be filled and to give equally.  God brought Britt and I to River Church when we were a little less than 2 months away from marriage. We joined right after we were married and we have loved it ever since. The people, the vision, the purpose of that church are incredible. God used River to bring us on staff at the BSU, He used River to give us dear friends for life, He used River to help us grow.

Over the past few months God has strongly laid on our heart the possibility of going somewhere else. We didn’t know why God was calling us here. In fact, we did not even anticipate it. But He was without a doubt calling and we could not ignore it. I love that we were able to leave River just as encouraged as when we came and just as much, if not more, in support of what they do. No hard feelings. No hurt. Just gratitude.

God has brought us to Western Hills Church. I grew up there. I honestly never thought I would go back. We hesitated as God was leading. Wondering if we were thinking these things just because our families go there. We were able to answer that our reason for going, although it is a perk, was not our families. Why then? Why would God lead us there?

In short, you should read the quote at the top of this page again. Over the last three years the way I see the world has changed. The way that this church, this body of beliers, sees the world has truly changed. People are coming to know the Lord, lives are forever being changed, discipleship is key.

 Those of you who are familiar with this church may know that at one time it was not always the most comfortable welcoming place. Now, I believe that anyone who walks through those doors is loved and not rejected. I brought a little girl from my neighborhood there last Sunday, she has hardly ever been in church, and she felt comfortable and loved. She was also taught truth. Truth from God’s word that I truly believe will not return void.  I anticipate what God will do in her life.

So now, we find ourselves in a place we did not think we would be, excited to be there and anticipating how God will use us. It has taught me to not quit. Don’t stop praying for the lost yes, but to not stop praying that we, the body of Christ, will truly catch the vision of disciple making and make it happen. Although in most cases it does not, it CAN happen in the local church.

River has this vision. Western Hills has this vision. I have this vision.

Do you?

Are you willing to change the way that you see the world? To see it the way that Jesus does? 

Life and Death

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” Philippians 4:11

Contentment. No matter where I am being content.

“ Indeed I count everything as lost because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” Philippians 3:8

Death.  I need nothing a part form Christ. It He was all I had, would it be enough? I want to answer that question with a confident, “Yes!”.

“That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His suffering, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” Philippians 3 10-11

Life. To share in Christ death would mean that I suffer for Him. To give everything for Him. But death in Christ is not the end because along with it comes the most abundant life there is, resurrection!

Last night I heard a speaker talk on some of these points. It hit me hard and this morning I have been allowing it to sink in.

Am I content?

Is Christ enough?

Am I truly willing to die?

Have a tasted true resurrection?

The forgotten mother

I have debated writing this post. Wondering if it was really worth it. Not wanting any attention but wanting people to know at the same time. Wanting to minister where and however I can.
Wanting people to know they are not alone.

Britt and I recently lost a baby. That sentence seems so abrupt. It was and has been by far one of the greatest if not the greatest losses of my life.
People say that you don’t understand the feeling until it happens to you. That is the true.

I debated sharing my story because I wondered if it matters. But I know that even though he/she never lived on this earth my baby’s life mattered. That sentence is far from what would be considered
“politically correct” but it’s true.

Thoughts of that precious life have been swimming in my head this past weekend and today.
As you all know yesterday was Mother’s Day and

I was a silent mother.

I was a hurting mother.

I was the mother most did not know about.

I was hesitant to share this but than I began to think of the other women out there who were not able to celebrate mothers day with a child that they lost. The pain I feel for those mothers is deep
within my soul. I hurt with them.

But more than anything I want to tell those mothers that they ARE mothers. Despite the greatest pain and confusion you can face God is good. I can say that because despite what my circumstances say I know what I know to be true and that is that God is always good. 

 I know that in my time of hurting I wanted to talk to someone who knew what I was feeling. If I don't share what happened I can't be that person to someone else.

Two people who knew about what happened told me happy mothers day and I thought that it would hurt too much to hear but when I read the words they sent me I felt so loved and I knew I was a mother.

And so for those mothers out there who lost a baby I want to say Happy Mothers Day to you.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13



Blessings

"Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"

Blessings by: Laura Story

In the past year I have experienced rain drops. through my dads accident, daily trials, the loss of a life, financial struggle, and fear. The list sounds bad. Maybe not as bad as yours but for me it has been the most difficult year of my life. 

But those raindrops in my life, those tears, those sleepless nights have brought more blessing than ever. My dependence on the Lord is stronger, my ability to identify with His suffering is more real and my compassion for the hurting is more present than ever. 

Last night I was so overwhelmed. Feelings sneak up on you and they always feel so unwanted but sometimes they are necessary. I tell myself more than ever that it is okay to cry. I sat there and I told Britt and I don't know if I can handle anymore. I feel like I am drowning and I finally reach the top for air and something else comes and pulls me under. I felt defeated and cast down. 

This morning I woke up and I was so lovingly reminded by my heavenly father that "His Mercy is new ever morning." Lamentations 3:22-24 Hallelujah! 

I was reminded that His blessing come through raindrops sometimes. I was reminded that I am being formed more into His image. Although the process may be painful the pain will end when I leave this world and the result will be worth every raindrop.

the faith to let go

A few weeks ago Britt and I were riding in the car and we were listening to the Prince of Egypt sound track. We both love soundtracks and especially that one. The song "Hush Now My Baby" came on. It is a song where Moses' mother places him in the river in an attempt to save his life from this massive murders of babies that was taking place.

As we were driving down the road tears came down my face as I thought of the love that mother had. Yes, love for her child but even greater a love for the Lord. The faith that she took hold of puts my faith to shame. She held on to the hope of what she KNEW God could do. When I am asked to let go of things, not even close to the importance of my own child, I cling to them so tightly afraid of what will happen if I let go.

This woman's faith struck me hard. It told me of the freedom and reward that comes from letting go. She didn't see the result for years. Moses was the one who came to deliver her and her people but she waiting for many years. If I don't see results will I still trust? If I don't understand why or what God is doing will I still let go? I know that I want to. I want her kind of faith.

Faithful and the Same

He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

I keep reminding myself of this ever comforting truth. I am so thankful that even when things in life are crazy and feel as though they are changing more quickly than I can handle I can remind myself that HE never changes.

This past year, 2010, could be marked as a “dark” year for me. Many people would ask, “Where was God?” I don’t want to think of 2010 like that. When I think of 2010 I want to remember that He is always the same. He is faithful.

Just within the past few weeks I had my grandmother break her arm in 2 places, a dear friend’s grandmother passed away, my cousin who was only 46 dies unexpectedly. That could be enough to make someone question Gods faithfulness. However, I believe that such a reaction would be faithless.

I want to be like Job. I want to say, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. BLESSED be the name of the Lord.”

I want to be like Abraham and what he was called in Hebrews. Righteous. Why was he called righteous? Because his FAITH was credited to him as righteousness. I want that kind of faith.

There are so many things in this life that I do not understand. Why would my dad almost die and then live to never be the same. Why would a sweet, perfect looking baby girl be born with a horrible heart condition? Why would the elderly loose their ability to think and do for their own and still live? Why would a family loose their father without even being able to say goodbye? Why? The thing is that I don’t know and if I did faith would be unnecessary.

We cannot even begin to know the thoughts of our creator but we are promised that He is always the same. We are promised that He is always faithful. We are promised that all things work for our good.

THAT is something that I can put my faith in.

He is always faithful

If I have learned anything of importance this year it is how precious life is and that everyday we have is a gift.


On April the 10th my dad was in a car accident that would change my families’ life forever.

On August 9th my best friend gave birth to a precious baby girl who has 2 rare heart conditions and is currently fighting for her life.

Everyday is without doubt a gift and we never know when life will end but that each day is a privilege.

I see pictures of my dad today, or talk to him on the phone, or go to his house and see him. I have tears in my eyes with gratefulness to the Lord that He spared my dad’s life.

I was able to go see baby Ella at the hospital on Tuesday and hold her little hand and see her fighting for life. I put tears in my eyes.

The one thing that continued to go through my head after my dads wreck was what my dad always says “The Lord is always faithful”.

Now, as I watch sweet baby Ella on this journey I remind myself again of those words, “The Lord is always faithful”. We don’t understand it, we can’t see what He is doing, but He is faithful. God does not force the bad things on us, He is just there for us to walk through them.

Britt’s dad reminded me of a wonderful truth. He said, “Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes he calms the child.” I think that most of the things I have walked through this year the Lord has not chosen to calm the storm, He hasn’t taken away the circumstance but He has calmed the child. I have experienced peace that surpasses all understanding.

He is always faithful!

It's so hard

Last night Britt and I went to go see my dad. It was encouraging and hard at the same time. Encouraging because he had the talking device in his trach and we were able to talk to him some. Hard because now that he can talk some we can see how difficult and painful this is for him.

There are still many times he cannot talk or is not “there” enough to talk; but the times that he can it are good.

Mom said that the other day he said something like, “This is so hard” and she replied saying, “Yes, but we have to trust the Lord.” “Sometimes it is so hard to trust the Lord” dad said, and mom replied, “Yes, sometimes it is really hard, but do you trust him?” “Yes” dad said.

That whole conversation was difficult and challenging for me to hear as mom relayed it to me. It was hard to hear my dad’s inward struggle spoken out loud. I have always viewed my dad as the strongest person I know. He is so strong and I know that He will fight this. What he said, “Sometimes it is hard to trust the Lord” is something that ALL of us feel at times. I appreciate the honesty in what he said.

After we got home from visiting dad I felt so “heavy” inside. I felt overwhelmed with everything going on around me. My dad in the hospital, all that we have to do in the next few weeks, my dear friend Amy and the difficult situation she is facing with her precious baby Ella and her heart condition, all of the change coming our way, etc… The list could go on and on. Some things are so good and other are difficult but the culmination of it all had me feeling so overwhelmed.

I began to feel like my dad. I began to feel like it was SO HARD to trust the Lord. I was telling Britt this and I told him, “I just don’t understand God. I don’t understand why He would do this to our family. I don’t understand why He would do this to Amy.” I wanted to lift my hands to the sky, throw my head in the air and say, “God, I don’t understand you!” Then, Britt reminded me that even when things seem so good it is still SO HARD to understand God.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.” Isaiah 55:8

It is not that I don’t trust the Lord. I know that He is in control, He love us and wants the best for us. I just don’t understand. Someday I may look back and understand, and then again I may not know until I am I heaven. I will continue to trust, despite my lack of understanding.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Amen!

Anchored. Needy. Motivated.

Two post in one day, I know… A miracle for me right now…


I was reading a blog this morning and it really began to stir a lot of things within me. Sometimes I feel so stuck. It seems like most of the time I see or hear about two types of people: 1. The worldly 2. The conservative.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with conservative values… I guess it just depends on what extent you call something conservative. Legalism may me a better word.

I want to have conservative values but I don’t want to be caught in a way of thinking that could keep me from following things the Lord is calling and leading me to.

Here are a few things from Alyssa's Blog that really stuck out to me…

“In my head I know what the truth is. I've got to be anchored. Set firm. Held to. Being held by... God. - to the very greatest and most secure foundation ever: Jesus Christ. That is the only way to not live out of reaction and fall into a ditch living lifestyle.”

“This whole thing keeps me broken within. It keeps me coming back and tearing down the walls I've built up around myself so quickly. It keeps me SO needy. At the same time, it really gets me excited. It motivates me and drives me every morning I wake up to seek God more. It keeps me on my toes spiritually. It causes me to evaluate my motives, my heart. It makes me question things instead of just following blindly behind the blind.”

I want to be in a place of knowing where I am anchored, staying needy (knowing I cannot do it alone) and at the same time being motivated to do something!

Go Here to read the whole post. It is challenging and encouraging. I really admire her.



Once again, Happy Monday! :)

Baptist Student Union (BSU)

A lot of people have been praying for Britt and I as we make some “decisions”. The thing is that we could not tell anyone what that “decision” was…..until now. :)


Britt and I have been praying and meeting with John Kelsey who is the director of the OU Baptist Student Union (BSU) for quite some time now about the possibility of coming on as staff members. I am thrilled to announce that the decision has been made and we will be going on as staff with the BSU this coming fall! We are thrilled beyond words and really looking forward to all that God has in store for us. This is going to be a BIG change in our life but we are ready!

The logistical side (i.e. what we will be doing exactly) is still undecided because they have not made all of the “final” decisions as to the functionality and programs for the BSU next year. Once that is decided we will be told what area of the ministry we will be specifically helping with. Although we do not know the logistics we do know that we will have MANY opportunities to meet with and grow relationships with college students and be able to be a part of making disciples! This is Britt and my heart and we are so excited to be able to take part in this ministry!

If you could pray for us during this new season we would REALLY appreciate it. I think for right now the biggest prayer request is that we both have to find part-time jobs. We will be working part-time and raising the rest of our money through support. We are praying that God would provide the perfect job to help work with the BSU schedule and give us opportunities to minister to people who work with us.

We really are so excited and ready to see all that the Lord has in store!

No title

I feel like I need to update more. Ever since dad and Justin's car accident I have really been out of the "flow" of things. There is a point when "normal life" has to set back in and I think that it is. I am grateful for "normal life" setting back in but at the same time it sucks. I feel like I should not move on with my life when my dad is lying in a hospital bed totally unconscious.


I got a text from mom that said dad's temperature was at 102.2 and was pretty high all night long. Please pray for that to go down.

There is the place... the place of not loosing hope for his full recovery but also at the same time preparing myself that he may not fully recover. It is not like I think he is going to die, although it could happen, I just don't know if he will ever be himself again which is so hard to wrap my mind around. Don't get me wrong, I am not loosing faith that God could totally heal my dad but the longer he is "out" the more and more difficult it becomes. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in control and I trust Him but I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around this situation and understand Him. This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever done.

When I think about mom and what she must be going through I cannot help but have tears fill my eyes. Then, if I start to put myself in her situation I loose it. My heart hurts so bad for her. I am praying with every fiber in my being that God would restore my dad to his original health and state of mind. I know that the Lord is enough for my mom, for me, for our family. I know that He will provide and meet all of our needs. But at the same time there is a reason that the Lord gave dad to all of us.

I told Britt I don't even know what would be better. Well, other then the obvious total recovery. But if dad wakes up with brain damage or if the Lord takes him home; I can't even begin to think about either one. I like to just think about recovery, but like I said it gets difficult. Not that hope is lost just that sometimes I feel like I am to the end.

This post was not supposed to be about all of this. I guess you can see what is on my mind though. I just want dad to wake up! He is starting to look so thin and weak. It is so weird to see my big, strong dad that way; helpless, in a hospital bed. I know that he is fighting. Sometimes I just want to go in his hospital room and yell at the top of my lungs, like it might wake him up or something. I know that sounds stupid but it is the way I feel.

Please continue to pray for our family. It has been a very long two weeks and this is going to be a VERY long journey. We need the Lords strength to sustain us because we are going to get very tired.

I have been reading in the Psalms lately and it is so encouraging to my Spirit. I am so grateful for that book of the bible right now.

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In other news….

Like I said, life has to go on… And tonight Britt and I have a meeting and some decisions to make that are going to help in deciding what our future is going to look like. We are praying and seeking the Lord. I just want the Lord’s best and I want to make sure that we make the right decision. Prayers appreciated!

Britt and I have been staying at mom and dad’s house. It has been good for us to be there to help but I think that it is time to go home. We are ready. I think that tomorrow night we will pack up and head home. I cannot even begin to tell you how very ready I am to sleep in my own bed!!

Like I said earlier, please continue to pray for our family. Your prayers are so appreciated!


Hope you all have a good start (and finish!) to your week!

Mind distractions

Sorry it has been so long since I last updated. Life has been a little crazy to say the least......


People keep asking me how I am doing with the whole situation regarding dad. Most of the time I say, "Ok" although I really don't have a real answer. I guess if depends on the day. Any day I could be: happy, sad, confused, angry or even a little of everything. Most days I honestly don't even know how I am.

I was telling a friend about these feelings and how hard it is. The thing is that I trust God and I know that He is in-control but that does not mean I understand Him. In my head right now this does NOT make sense. Why is my dad laying on a hospital bed unconscious for 1 1/2 weeks now? I don't know if I will ever fully understand that. All I know is that right now, it sucks. I also know that I have to continue trusting and leaning on God because it is my only hope.

So - right now I pray for dad, mom and everyone else. I pray God gives us the grace and strength we need on a daily basis. I often (basically every night) go to the hospital and wait, hoping to hear good news and then cry on my way home. Today I have just tried to distract my mind from all of this. To think about things other then hospitals, tubes, comas, surgeries, etc... So, today I started to think of things that I am looking forward to. Things like:


* Going to the Arts Festival for a little while with my hubby tonight. We need some time together!


* Going to hear Hillsong United this Friday night.


* Going out with good friends this weekend.

* Church on Sunday

* The Jefferson Carnival


* Being Home


* Using our White Water Bay Season Passes!


* Laying out by our pool and getting tan

* Going to Dallas for our one year anniversary.


Sometimes it just helps to think about things like this. But I can't help but think that the thing I am looking forward to the most is talking to my dad and feeling like he is going to be ok, that he will be his normal self again. Please keep praying for my dad. It is what he needs the most.

Trust

When you go through trials there are times when your heart hurts. It can hurt so badly. Not because you lost someone but because you realize how easy you could loose them.


The thing is, the battle with my dad is not over. There are still so many hurtles to overcome and sometimes it hurts to think about. Even though he is here still there are times it does not feel that way because he is lying on a bed and can't do anything on his own. That hurts.

It hurts because I almost picked up my phone to call him and ask him a question. Sometimes reality hurts.

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Then - through all the hurt you find a blessing.

A blessing - I found out that my mom had her purse in hand, ready to go with dad and Justin and at the last minute changed her mind. That is a blessing.

It is little things like that they make your heart SO thankful. It doesn’t wash away the hurt but it sure does help.

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Something ironic is that this past week the Lord has been teaching me a LOT about trust. Trusting Him no matter what.

I used to always say that something would come along with an opportunity to trust the Lord, it would be difficult but I would learn and come to the place of trusting Him. Then, right when I think I learned the "lesson" another opportunity to trust would come along. It made me want to look up and say, "Um, God... Didn't I JUST learn this lesson; didn't you JUST bring an opportunity for me to learn to trust?" As I was thinking about this I realized that trusting the Lord is not a "lesson" that we learn. Trusting the Lord is a daily practice; daily surrendering ourselves to the Lords will and completely trusting Him.

Wow - Am I ever able to practice this now or what.

I guess when I really think about the fact that God was teaching me this last week it is not so ironic. Things with God never are. He knew what would happen and He knew that I needed to finally learn what Trust looks like. A daily surrender.

Faithful

It is so amazing to think back to this past Saturday afternoon and how quickly my life changed.


My dad called Britt and I Saturday morning and asked us to go get breakfast with him. It ended up being just dad, Britt and I and it was a wonderful time of talking and catching up. As I look back on it I am so thankful for that special time that we had. I also found out that my older brother Brandon, his wife Rachael and their two girls were able to go to lunch with my dad. That is something out of the ordinary but God knew that it was something needed and I am so grateful for it.

I want to tell you again that the best place to go for updates is at my brother’s blog: brandonandrachael.blogspot.com. We are directing everyone there.

I wanted to take a moment on my blog though to testify to the faithfulness of God! He has been so faithful to me and my family. We have seen His blessing and provision in so many ways already and I know it is not over. "What satin means for evil, God means for good". I keep saying this verse in my head over and over again.

I know that when my dad is well he will be the first to say, "To God be the glory!"

I have had so many people tell me they are so grateful for the witness of my family during this time and I say "Amen!" God is faithful and good!

Thank you for your prayers and support to our family during this time. It will be a long road ahead but the Lord is a faithful, loving Father who provides for ALL His children’s needs.

Loving no matter what

I didn’t post yesterday. The first time I have missed *Woot,woot* Wednesday. To my dear readers, I am so sorry. Basically, I was swamped at work and when I got home I was equally as swamped. Today is still busy but better. I have enough time to sit down and post.



As I was thinking what to post about I remember something that was discussed in our community group this past Tuesday that has really stuck with me….

A guy in our group said that he was talking with a friend he used to go to school with. The friend is not a believer; in fact he is an atheist. He does not like anything that has anything to do with religion. However, he is a very smart young man who enjoys any form of intellectual conversation and is willing to discus all realms of religion. Well, the guy in my group was talking with him about Christianity and his friend told him, “The problem with Christians is that they are too mission oriented. They talk about the love of God but their main goal is converts not loving others.” The guy in my community group said that really stuck with him.

Food for thought:

Jesus fed the 5000 knowing that they were there to be fed. Period. He loved them all the same even though He knew that possibly all they would walk away with his food in their belly. The thing is that there is a balance. We need to be consistent in our love for others. We should not show them love when we are only trying to “win” them and then, whether or not they receive, just stop when the “job” is done.

Not exactly sure what I think about it but it did make me think.

*Woot, woot* Wednesday!

*Woot, woot*

Tonight I get to eat Chick-Fil-A!

I am seriously obsessed with that place.

*Woot, woot*

I actually got more than 4 hours of sleep last night!

*Woot, woot*

Tomorrow there is a SOUTH wind, not a north wind.

I cannot even tell you how ready I am for summer!

*Woot, woot*

I remembered to wear green!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

*Woot, woot*

I actually look ok in green!

*Woot, woot*

I am 1/2 way through my work week.

*Woot, woot*

I am blessed!

What is your *Woot, woot*?

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* Something that I am continually learning, the kind of think that you say, "Ah! I got it! I learned my lesson", and then a WHOLE new opportunity to learn it come along. What is it, you say? T.R.U.S.T. Trusting God to be specific. Britt and I have a new opportunity to learn it. Again. It is good though, it stretches you and grows you into someone who is more like the Lord and for that I am so grateful.

* The weekend after next Britt and I are having a get-away weekend. Nothing fancy and we are only going downtown for the night but it is still a get-away and it is needed. 2 days set aside that we say no to everyone else and just spend time together relaxing and having a good time. Sometimes even going to a hotel in the city you live in can feel like a vacation. Plus, if I stay at a hotel in my state I get a government employee discount! :)

* Did you get your Census in the mail? If so, what do you think about the part that says, "You are required by law to fill this out and turn it in"? Sometimes it scares me when I think about the direction of our government. Some people decided that they just aren't going to think about it but I have decided I can't be that person. I want to be informed, know all I can and do something when I can.

PS - If Texas succeeds I am moving there. ;) lol