I feel like I am doing a lot of it lately. Yes, in the literal sense (I am almost 31 weeks pregnant) but I really mean in the spiritual sense.
Do you remember when you were about 9-12 years old and the awful, achy feeling of growing pains? If you did not experience these count yourself lucky. I remember being in bed at night and just aching. I remember my mom saying, "You are growing into an adult. It hurts to grow." Amen and amen. It hurts in the literal sense *amen*. But it hurts in the spiritual sense too *amen*.
Our spiritual journey is similar to the physical in so many ways. Our pastor has been leading us in this thought process for awhile at church and the Lord is leading me through this process now. The biggest difference in our spiritual journey is that, in this life, we will not reach full maturity. Soooo, the growth process continues.
They change. Spring, summer, fall, and winter. Seasons change in the literal sense (especially in Oklahoma), but we experience them in life as well. They look different. Some seasons feel longer than others and some fly by. I am learning to love the seasons. Even the hard ones.
I am in a hard season. Young mom, pregnant, toddler, trying to do ministry, trying to be a good wife, trying to maintain my walk with the Lord... It feels like I try. a. lot.
After the growing and the seasons (especially with all that "trying") resting seems like a ridiculous idea. Or at least an impossible one. I have heard mother after mother tell me; "Good luck having time to yourself" or "You just think you're busy now, just wait till you have more kids" or "Just wait till you have teenagers". I feel like the message generally communicated from mother to mother is that it just gets harder, I will never rest and I better just brace myself for it. Rest no longer exists.
In my brief time as a mother I have learned one thing - opportunities for physical rest may be far and few between but spiritual rest (sitting before the feet of Jesus and letting Him renew) is of the utter most importance. It may come in the form of praise and worship music playing in my home throughout the day. It may come in the form of 10 minutes in my bible study here, 15 here and then 5 later to finish it off. It may come in the form of crying out to Him in the middle of a training moment where I think I may possibly loose my mind and scream. But come, IT MUST! I am fighting the lie that rest is impossible because I have learned that without it my success as a mother is not promising.
So, I am growing, changing with the seasons and learning to rest. In the meantime I am trying to remind myself of what brings my spirit the most rest and renewal. Here is a small list I am trying to incorporate more in my life:
* Music - Whether just have it playing in my home or me taking the time to sit at the piano and make it myself.
* Writing - In a journal, on the notes section in my phone or even *fingers crossed* on here. Writing makes me feel like I am putting feet to my thoughts.
* Fellowship - With other moms. With other ladies. With people that will push me forward and challenge me.
* Ministry - I need this. It fills my tank to invest in others. It pushes me in my walk with God.
I know that February is almost here and the fad of making "New Years Resolutions" has come and gone. Here I am though, on January 24 and I am thinking of this next year, what I am learning, the challenges and joys a new baby will bring, and what I need. I need to continue growing (despite the pain). I need to continue on in the seasons (even if it is long and hard). I need to rest (sit at the feet of my Jesus. The one who replenishes and fills).
But this is my resolution: To not fall into the mindset that my "life" is over as a mother. To remind myself that my life comes from the one who is the life giver. To continue seeking that life. Abundant life. The life that I crave and desire. The life that He desires to give.
It's what I plan to do!