Should you vote? Is that a question?

I have read several posts recently about the fact that Obama and Romney appear to be THE candidates. A lot of people who are unhappy with Obama are also concerned with the fact that Romney is a Mormon and therefore they are drawing the conclusion to not vote at all.

This makes me furious.

When we, as believers, decide we don’t like something and therefore choose to remove ourselves completely from the situation how is that helping and WHAT is it accomplishing?

It is the same mentality that I have seen my whole life in people who hold more conservative values. When they feel “threatened” they withdraw and create their own “Holy Huddle”. I ask again, what is that accomplishing???

Thousands of men have fought and died for our freedom and right to vote. No matter what SOMEONE will be elected and just because it is not the “far out right-winged conservative” that you wanted you STILL have a voice and you should STILL use it. Not only that but it is a way to be good stewards of our God given right.

It may feel like you are voting for the lesser of two evils (no matter who you choose to vote for) but all that I ask it that you vote. This is not a post about whether or not Obama or Romney should be who you vote for. I am not getting paid to help on their campaign. I am just fed up with Christians who withdraw when things seem difficult or they are out of their comfort zone. I am pretty sure that is NOT how we will reach the world or make a difference. NOTHING will change if you adopt this philosophy. 

4.10.10 - 4.10.12

Two Years ago today, mid afternoon, I was laying in bed taking a short nap before going out to meet some good friends for a dinner and "girl time". My phone rang and I thought, "I'll call them back in a few..." Then Britt's phone rang. And then mine again. I rushed to answer it seeing that it was my mom. Before I even answered the phone I had a gut wrenching feeling that something was not right. 

To my horror when I answered I knew instantly. Something was not right at all! As my mom tried to talk stumbling over her words through fear and a lot of tears she began to tell me that dad and Justin were in a horrible car accident. She said that as far as she knew Justin was stable and she 'thought' dad was breathing but wasn't sure. Those are not words that you want to hear. 

As I listened to her talk, trying to tell her it was going to be okay and feeling at the same time that nothing was okay, I stumbled around the apartment moving as quickly as possible trying to get out the door. I have never felt so weak at the knees like I might pass out. I grabbed my purse and for whatever reason actually thought, "I should grab a jacket, hospitals are cold." Why or how I thought of that I will never know. 

Of course all of this time Britt is looking at me wondering what is going on. I just said, "Get ready fast. Dad. Justin. Hospital." In the blink of an eye we were in the car. I picked up my phone to call one of the friends I was meeting to tell her I would not be there. The moment she picked up and I tried to start to talk and tell her the tears fell in full force. I had not really said out loud what had happened. It was like until the moment of saying it out loud it had not happened yet. 

We made it to OU Medical center in record time from Norman. I was fearful that we would not get to say goodbye if the Lord chose to take one of them. If possible, I would not miss that chance. Once we arrived I ran into the emergency room entrance. My mom was there. I hugged her and she just cried. It was awful. 

More family arrived and we were put in a small waiting room. More and more people began to arrive and we were moved to a large area. I don't remember the exact number, it is written down somewhere, but in the ballpark of 200-300 people came through that night alone. It is overwhelming to see how loved we are. 

We were able to go back and see Justin. He was beat up with a broken ankle and shoulder. He also lost the tips of some fingers and he had a TON of scratches and bruises as well as very blood shot eyes. He was honestly better than I had prepared myself for which was good. We even joked a bit about some money he thought he lost in the accident. I told him the paramedics probably stole it. :) Mom said, "Oh, you guys stop, Justin I will give you the $20." He soon followed with saying, "Will you put it in my hand right now?" :) Our world felt like it was falling apart but in that moment I smiled and laughed and man did I need it. 

At this point we still did not know much about dad. We knew he was still alive but the wait to see him or hear was agonizing. Finally a Dr. called my older brother Brandon, my younger brother Jon, my mom and myself back to talk. My heart was racing. He began to list off dad's injuries that they were aware of. The list was ridiculously long and scary. My mom frantically signed papers that would allow emergency surgery to remove a bleeding/busted organ, inflate his lungs and anything else needed. Injuries I remember:

Busted Spleen

Most if not all ribs broken

Collapsed lungs

Shattered pelvic bone

Possible other broken bones 

Possible Trauma to the Head

There were more. I just can't remember them all. The Dr. said they were doing everything that they could and we should pray he would make it through the night. He told us it was bad, really bad. 

We waited and waited and waited. It was close to 11 that evening I believe before we were FINALLY able to go and see him. It was scary. They believed their was bleeding in the brain and they induced a coma medically to help him rest. That first night he was VERY restless. We would tell him what happened. That he was hurt but they were taking care of him. That Justin was okay. He would calm down for a bit. He looked bad but so much of what was wrong we couldn't see. We just knew it was there. 

After that restless night he became still. So still it was scary. They decided to wing him off the medicine to see if he would wake up. After several days of nothing it was determined that the coma they thought was only medically induced was not. He was in a coma and there was no way to know if or when he would wake up and in what state he would wake up. 

It was a little over a month before I saw him awake. Longer than that before I talked to him. Over two months before he even began to remember things. 

While he was sleeping so many things happened. They repaired, to the best of their ability his pelvic bone, lungs and other things. It was by God's mercy he was not awake for it. It saved him severe pain. 

When he woke up he was able to talk and after a while he knew who we were. That was by God's mercy as well. We saw, ever so slightly, improvement. Some days a lot and some says it felt like none. But God was working. 

The questions rang in our head, "God why?" I looked at my mom and thought "God why?" I cried myself to sleep too many nights thinking "God why? What is your plan in this?" I just could not see it. A lot of people told me a LOT of things but I remember two very specific things said by two people. 

"God NEVER gives us more than we can carry even though it may feel like to much to bare." 

"Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes God calms the child." 

I have said these two things to myself many times. I still remind myself of them to this day. 

The road was long. It is still a long road. Our life is more different then we could ever imagine. However, my God is the same! He was the same on April 10, 2010 and He is the same today April 10, 2012. Twenty years form now He will still be the same. So who is He you ask?

He is sustainer

He is enough

He is healer

He is provider

He is good

He is aba father

He is faithful

He is mercy

He is all that I need. 

I knew these things before that awful day. But I never knew them in the way that I know them now. My ability to relate with others suffering is so much greater. My ability to rely on God in times of utter confusion and defeat is greater. My faith has increased. I could have walked away bitter. Things are still different. They will never be the same. But I find myself loving and praising God all the more. 

I can say with all my heart that He is good! 

Baby Randomness

Random things about Pregnancy:

How many people touch your belly and comment saying, "It's so hard!". I usually reply with a smart comment about 'Tthe greatest workout routine ever'. :)

How many people smile and are just all around more friendly.

How when I walk around on campus or near the dorms people are not write as friendly and look at you like "Oh, that girl." Brings new meaning to "Timing is everything".

Food cravings. A love hate relationship. I told Britt that it is like you think about a food that sounds good and no matter how hard you try you can't stop thinking about it.

Target with Britt. He LOVES looking at the baby stuff. There is one particular swimming suite that he wants SO bad. I keep making him wait until our shower.

Speaking of Showers. So fun as it approaches! People have already given me some things. I love it! It makes it so real!

Being sentimental. Thinking about the upcoming holidays or events with Little Man a part of them.

Touring the labor and delivery floor where I will have him.

Drinking nasty stuff for a test.

The cost of some clothing. Ridiculous. They totally rip off pregnant women!

Thinking, "I know a lot about babies. I can do this mom thing" and then realizing I have no clue how often you bathe a newborn. Sooo... What am I getting myself into? :)

Getting the nursery ready. I can't wait to go in there and just stare. Picturing him in there.

The scare that Little Man gave me the other day. I didn't feel him kick for a long time. Almost 24 hours. I did EVERYTHING to try to make him kick. I call the Dr. As I am waiting on a call back he decides to start moving. This child does NOT preform on command.

Speaking of preforming on command. The way that he will be having a jam session in my belly and the moment someone touches it to feel the world is silent.


I love the random, silly, funny moments and I don't want to forget them.

Cucumbers and Parenting

Week 26.

 I am in week 26 of my pregnancy right now. 

Saturday I will hit week 27, that is the third trimester! 

Every week that I am pregnant I get an email introducing my "new week". And every week the baby's size is compared to some food. How on earth they choose the foods that they do I will never know. Week 26 was a  English Hothouse Cucumber. What the heck is the difference in that and a regular cucumber? 

 

They are using the picture more to depict the length not the mass (thank God!). I am thankful for the quarter in the picture because I have no way to know how long that is. It truly makes me laugh every week and is probably the NOT the most endearing thing you could compare a baby to. "Hey you cute little 'English Hothouse Cucumber' you!" 

PalEAse! 

It's fun to joke about the fact that my baby boy is compared to strange food on a weekly basis but in all reality he is not cucumber. He is a real life, breathing, in the flesh, coming in three months whether I am ready or not,

BABY!

 HUMAN!

 OUR RESPONSIBILITY! 

Eck! 

Am I excited? Yes! 

More excited than a kid on Christmas! More excited than someone who just won a gazillion dollars!  More excited than getting 100 English Hothouse Cucumbers! 

Seriously excited! 

Am I scared? Yes.

When I think of the responsibility it is at times overwhelming. And it's not like I am an old pro at this parenting thing. Sure, I have said the classics: "I will never do that to my kids", "My kid will NEVER act like that", "THIS is how WE would handle this situation". Those are all cheap words now. Sure I thought that was realistic then. I can say "THIS is the kind of parent I will be" but what am I basing that off of? I can assure you it is NOT years and years of experience. When it comes down to it I don't know a whole lot. 

So here I am. This person who really doesn't know what I am truly getting myself into yet all of that aside it does not alter the fact that Britt and I are 100% responsible for raising this child. 

Wow. 

So today I realized how stinking grateful I am that it actually is NOT just Britt and I. Just like it is NOT just Britt and I in our marriage. There is another factor. 

God. 

SO thankful for the fact that I never walk through any new, scary, challenging situation on my own. SO thankful that my success is not based on my knowledge (although I totally know that seeking wise council from people will help a TON). SO thankful that I can say my dependence on the Lord as a believer, a wife, a MOM is what will determine my success. SO thankful that I am aware of how incapable I am and that I TRULY need the Lord's help. I could never do this without Him. How do people do this without Him?

With that in mind is there still a little fear? Yes. But there is an aspect of adventure, anticipation, not being able to wait to see how God works through this completely incapable vessel to raise a child. Raise a child that loves the Lord and fears Him. Raise a child that has a heart for the lost. Raise a child that calls my God-MY Abba Father, by the same name. Wow! I could NEVER do that alone but I cannot wait for the opportunity to be used by God to help lead my little man in that direction. 

So much wisdom needed here! 

So thankful for my Lord!

The List(s)

Things that I can't wait for. Sometime they keep me going. You know, the next "big thing"? I have this check list of small 'events' and large ones coming up between now and when little man arrives.

the small things...

*Getting my iphone - I have the worlds most janky phone. It is over four years old and does absolutely nothing cool. I barley takes pictures. I have never been the cool phone girl and I probably still won't be since I will most likely get the 0.96$ iphone but it will be cool to me. And I will be able to take pictures whenever and share them with you!


*Getting my hair cut - I am embarrassed to say that it has been almost a year. That my friends is beyond horrible. Our budget has not allowed it and so I have set dreaming about the day. It is almost here! Hopefully next month!


*Cutting Chloe (the dog's hair).  - Done and done. It was on the list to take her to the groomer but I got sick and tired of it and I did it myself three nights ago. Yes, she has several bald spots no it won't kill her or me. AND, bonus, it was FREE!


*Girls weekend - I have 3 dear friends who I love getting together with. Love being an understatement. Every few months we plan a time to get together. We don't plan it enough and when we are together the time flies by. I can't wait until this Saturday. It's been too long this time. Our group will be "splitting" in June for awhile so I want to take in every moment while I can. I love these ladies. They are the sisters I never had.

the big things...

* Spring Break Conference - We take a group of students to Colorado Springs (300 students) every spring break for a discipleship training conference. It is an intense week with a lot of information but it is also so refreshing too. I see God work in the hearts of students and each year I have been I have seen people come to know Him. I am aware of at least 3 lost students going this year and I can't wait to see what God does!


* Easter - I love Holidays and I love Easter. I can't wait to see my nieces hunt eggs and eat a great lunch with my families. Even more I can't wait to celebrate Christ Resurrection. Not that I have to wait but I love the time set aside to truly do that and the work that always takes place in my heart.


* Britt's Birthday - I love celebrating life and what a better life to celebrate!


* Spring Banquet. Our last end of the year celebration with the students. A time to honor the seniors in our ministry.


* Ending my job - This is bitter sweet. I am excited about this new chapter in life and I am scared at the same time. In our two years of support raising we have always had my income to back up on. We are giving that up now and taking a pay cut. I am trusting, trusting God, or at least working on it. It has been a stretch for me but I am excited to see what He does!


* My Little brothers wedding. - That's weird to say out loud and type. He's getting married. That makes three of us down and one to go. Although, I hope my 16 year old brother has no intention of marrying anytime soon! haha


* My Birthday - It is close to when little man gets here but I plan to still celebrate! I LOVE birthdays! 


* Our Anniversary - Three years. Crazy!!!


* Drum roll please...... - He will be coming! 


Counting it down truly does help me. Finding the little and big things in-between. I can't wait to meet this little guy!

Craziness. February. Nesting.

I told someone recently that the month of February has been one of the craziest months we have had yet while working on staff at the Baptist Student Union. This is kind of funny because historically August is the most difficult with all the "coming back to school" activities. August is a cake walk compared to February. I don't know how it happened, it just did. Before February even hit it was totally booked. I mean totally!

I was sick last week. I got a brake. Not the kind I wanted. If you didn't know, being pregnant and getting sick on top of that is just plain horrible! I wanted to die. But not really.

I had free time this last Monday afternoon. Do you want to know what I did with that glorious, "it's been so long it's nice to see you!", "where have you been?" kind of free time????? Huh, huh? Do you want to know?

I cleaned our room.

Is it too early to stat nesting?

Nevertheless, it has begun. I can't clean out enough closets, cabinets and drawers. I am aching to get rid of things. Out with the old and in with the new! New being baby cloths, burp rags and bottles. But hey, I would take that any day!

So now. It is February 29th (By the way, do Doctors factor in leap years when predicting your due date? This question has been driving me nuts!) and March is here like, tomorrow!

Hello March! Goodbye February. I really won't miss you.

March has it's own share of crazy but along with it there are a few free days thrown in there and I am elated! One day is going to be spent with dear friends which I am thrilled about! The other days, well... we will see what my nesting urge brings about. :)

My Men

It hit me today that I have two men in my life to share Valentines Day with! 

Man #1)

The man I married. The man I said forever to. The man I can't imagine my life without. 

Words cannot express how thankful I am for my husband, Britt. He is by far the best husband out there and I am not saying that out of obligation or for the sake of just saying it. I truly believe it with all my heart. I have never been so loved by anyone in my life and we are talking about the good and the bad days here. He is so consistent in the way that he loves, respects and cherishes me. His love is unconditional and he continually challenges me, and causes me to want to be a better wife for him. Happy Valentines Day baby! I love you!

Man # 2 (a.k.a. Little Man)

My little man. The guy whose face I have not even really seen has captured my heart completely. You never understand the type of love a parent has until you experience it. Even though he has yet to make his "official" appearance into this world he is very much so already a part of my life and I cannot imagine life without him. I cannot wait to see him, hold him and kiss his little cheeks. He has stolen my heart in every sense of the word. Happy Valentines Day Brightson James!

Signing off, 

One extremely blessed woman.