When you go through trials there are times when your heart hurts. It can hurt so badly. Not because you lost someone but because you realize how easy you could loose them.
The thing is, the battle with my dad is not over. There are still so many hurtles to overcome and sometimes it hurts to think about. Even though he is here still there are times it does not feel that way because he is lying on a bed and can't do anything on his own. That hurts.
It hurts because I almost picked up my phone to call him and ask him a question. Sometimes reality hurts.
Then - through all the hurt you find a blessing.
A blessing - I found out that my mom had her purse in hand, ready to go with dad and Justin and at the last minute changed her mind. That is a blessing.
It is little things like that they make your heart SO thankful. It doesn’t wash away the hurt but it sure does help.
Something ironic is that this past week the Lord has been teaching me a LOT about trust. Trusting Him no matter what.
I used to always say that something would come along with an opportunity to trust the Lord, it would be difficult but I would learn and come to the place of trusting Him. Then, right when I think I learned the "lesson" another opportunity to trust would come along. It made me want to look up and say, "Um, God... Didn't I JUST learn this lesson; didn't you JUST bring an opportunity for me to learn to trust?" As I was thinking about this I realized that trusting the Lord is not a "lesson" that we learn. Trusting the Lord is a daily practice; daily surrendering ourselves to the Lords will and completely trusting Him.
Wow - Am I ever able to practice this now or what.
I guess when I really think about the fact that God was teaching me this last week it is not so ironic. Things with God never are. He knew what would happen and He knew that I needed to finally learn what Trust looks like. A daily surrender.