What Motherhood is Teaching Me

As I sit here and write this entry my sweet, little man is playing on the floor with some cars and a race track. Every time he is ready to release the cars to make them go down the track he turns around, looks at me, and waits for me to say, "Ready, set, GO!" and off the cars go down the track! He wants involvement, he wants approval, he wants to feel like I care about whats important to him. He is only 21 months and these things are so important to him. Lesson # 1 - I can be the one cheering him on and encouraging him and as a result I am a first glimpse to him of what Christ is to us. Cheering us on for good! Cheering us on in the race of life. I often look to my Lord for love and approval and I find it every. single. time. So thankful for the opportunity to be that example to my son.

As I sit here I feel the kicks, jabs, and what seem to feel like stabbing pains these days, from a sweet, little girl who will soon be a VERY big part of this world and our lives. If I stop and think about labor I cringe. I have heard of some people that "like" labor. I even know some people who like pregnancy. I am so not one of those women. Labor? No thank you. Pregnancy? Not a fan. So what made me do it again (and even a little faster than some)? Well, it's the after result. I am totally and completely willing to endure the pain and discomfort because of my indescribable love for the little person growing inside of me. Lesson # 2 - Oh the love of my Heavenly Father! He knowingly (totally aware of the pain he would go through!) went to the cross for me so that he would have the opportunity to have relationship with me! That's a seriously wonderful thought!

Granted, I have also learned things like:

- The "Mom look" totally works.
- Just because someones kid looses it in public doesn't make them a bad parent. (Oh, you just wait you non-parent people...)
- I can go longer than I thought without washing my hair. *thank you dry shampoo!*
- Baby gates and child locks are a genius design.
- I may never be able to go a day in my life again without getting drool, spit-up, poop, food, or some other product like these (that didn't come out of my body) on me again.
- I don't need as much sleep.... as I thought.
- T.V. is a luxury...

Really, the list of things I have learned could go on and on. But the thing is, all of those "little" lessons can't compare to the lessons motherhood has taught me about my Heavenly Father. What a wonderful gift to be able to have children and love them. It daily gives me a small glimpse of the Fathers love for me.

Growth. Seasons. Resting. Living.

Growing.

I feel like I am doing a lot of it lately. Yes, in the literal sense (I am almost 31 weeks pregnant) but I really mean in the spiritual sense.

Do you remember when you were about 9-12 years old and the awful, achy feeling of growing pains? If you did not experience these count yourself lucky. I remember being in bed at night and just aching. I remember my mom saying, "You are growing into an adult. It hurts to grow." Amen and amen. It hurts in the literal sense *amen*. But it hurts in the spiritual sense too *amen*.

Our spiritual journey is similar to the physical in so many ways. Our pastor has been leading us in this thought process for awhile at church and the Lord is leading me through this process now. The biggest difference in our spiritual journey is that, in this life, we will not reach full maturity. Soooo, the growth process continues.

Seasons.

They change. Spring, summer, fall, and winter. Seasons change in the literal sense (especially in Oklahoma), but we experience them in life as well. They look different. Some seasons feel longer than others and some fly by. I am learning to love the seasons. Even the hard ones.

I am in a hard season. Young mom, pregnant, toddler, trying to do ministry, trying to be a good wife, trying to maintain my walk with the Lord... It feels like I try. a. lot.

Resting.

After the growing and the seasons (especially with all that "trying") resting seems like a ridiculous idea. Or at least an impossible one. I have heard mother after mother tell me; "Good luck having time to yourself" or "You just think you're busy now, just wait till you have more kids" or "Just wait till you have teenagers". I feel like the message generally communicated from mother to mother is that it just gets harder, I will never rest and I better just brace myself for it. Rest no longer exists.

In my brief time as a mother I have learned one thing - opportunities for physical rest may be far and few between but spiritual rest (sitting before the feet of Jesus and letting Him renew) is of the utter most importance. It may come in the form of praise and worship music playing in my home throughout the day. It may come in the form of 10 minutes in my bible study here, 15 here and then 5 later to finish it off. It may come in the form of crying out to Him in the middle of a training moment where I think I may possibly loose my mind and scream. But come, IT MUST! I am fighting the lie that rest is impossible because I have learned that without it my success as a mother is not promising.

So, I am growing, changing with the seasons and learning to rest. In the meantime I am trying to remind myself of what brings my spirit the most rest and renewal. Here is a small list I am trying to incorporate more in my life:

* Music - Whether just have it playing in my home or me taking the time to sit at the piano and make it myself.
* Writing - In a journal, on the notes section in my phone or even *fingers crossed* on here. Writing makes me feel like I am putting feet to my thoughts.
* Fellowship - With other moms. With other ladies. With people that will push me forward and challenge me.
* Ministry - I need this. It fills my tank to invest in others. It pushes me in my walk with God.

I know that February is almost here and the fad of making "New Years Resolutions" has come and gone. Here I am though, on January 24 and I am thinking of this next year, what I am learning, the challenges and joys a new baby will bring, and what I need. I need to continue growing (despite the pain). I need to continue on in the seasons (even if it is long and hard). I need to rest (sit at the feet of my Jesus. The one who replenishes and fills).

But this is my resolution: To not fall into the mindset that my "life" is over as a mother. To remind myself that my life comes from the one who is the life giver. To continue seeking that life. Abundant life. The life that I crave and desire. The life that He desires to give.

Living.

It's what I plan to do!

My Little Man

Little Man - You are 10 months old. Hold the phone - that is just way to crazy! You have now been out of my tummy longer than you were in it. You are approaching one year old so fast! Where does the time go? Everyone says it will get faster and I know I have to believe them but please stop growing so fast! :) 

Here are a few fun things about you: 

You have two teeth and are working on two more. 

You could live without your bottle, unlike most babies it's not your favorite, you want the real thing! 

You are crazy long! Clothes "fit" everywhere but not in length so up a size we go! 

You LOVE, and when I say love I mean REALLY LOVE, the song Liberty by Shane and Shane. It is often my salvation when you are cranky. 

You also LOVE t.v. waaaay too much. I have to limit how much you can watch. You will watch anything and everything. 

You are starting to learn to like solid food although you love anything mashed up! 

You roll and scoot like a wild man but no crawling for you yet. I think one day you may surprise me and just walk! You love to be on your feet. 

You are a super chill baby. I have a feeling you may not get that trait from your mamma. ;) 

You sleep between 10.5 and 11.5 hours at night. I love you for that. :) 

You say dada, wave hello and bye-bye and give high fives! I think you are pretty talented! And the other day you said Bye-Bye but I have not been able to get you to do it again. 

You can sign "All done" and we are working on "more". That one is a little more tricky. 

You LOVE bath time and it is my salvation in the evening! 

You are growing. Two months ago you couldn't do most of these things. It is amazing to me how quickly you change and learn. I am trying to soak it in. It happens so fast! You are one of the most loved little boys I know. Between mom and dad, grandparents, uncles and aunts, your adoring little cousins (Katherine really loves you and coos over you!) and ALL of the college students who think you are pretty cool - You have a great life and a lot of people who love you. As much as I want time to slow down I can't wait to see what kind of boy, young man, and than man you will turn into. I hope that you have your dads compassion and love for people and his selfless heart. I hope that you are clam and chill like he is. He is stable - I love that about him. I also hope that you have a daring wild side like mom. I hope that you love adventure and change like I do. Lets go on lots of adventure together! More than anything I pray that you will come to know Jesus at an early age. Life with Him is the most exciting adventure of all. As much as you are loved by people here His love for you blows that kind of love away! I hope that you experience that love soon and all the days of your life. 

Your my favorite little boy and you are loved! 

The Journey of Motherhood

One of my greatest struggles of motherhood is not what I expected it would be.

 Loneliness.

Not because my little man isn't one of the best things that has ever happened to me and not because I don't love him and being with him. Simply because I am alone. A lot. Yes, little man is here with me but how much company does a 9 1/2 month old baby really give. I often crave adult conversation. 

The easy solution might seem to just go out and do more. The problem with that is that we are first of all a one car family. Secondly I still have things I have to do (cleaning, laundry, cooking, school...) and little man still takes two naps which tends to make things like going out more challenging. At first I still thought going out was the solution and I would look for every opportunity that I could. 

Now I find that the solution is being okay with where I am in life and understanding that it is a season. Learning to love the quiet and not so quiet (crying happens people!) moments at home with just me and the little. Learning to love to be a mom. I knew I would love it but it's a big change and a learning curve for sure. 

Everyone always tells you that marriage is one of the biggest life changes you will face but I would say that motherhood even one ups that. 

It's a change. A big change. A good change. A hard change. A worthwhile change. 

I've always said I love change...

And good grief he is totally worth it! 

Water in the Desert

(an older photo but perfect for this post)

I spent the majority of this semester (We work with college students so I tend to break my year into semesters) feeling completely and utterly dry in my spiritual walk. Feeling as though God was barley there. Feeling as though He may have moved on without me. I was stuck. As a believer I know these things to be lies but when you are in the midst of it they are so easy to believe. Satan is so crafty.

There were days where I wouldn't even open my bible because I knew that God wouldn't speak. At least, I thought I knew. That's really how I felt. Not something that you hear a "good christian" admit but there it is. The truth. I was in the desert.

Almost two weeks ago now I had the amazing privileged to go on a retreat and listen to a lady (Margie Atwood) speak. Oh goodness. Did she encourage my soul with the truth that she shared. I wish that every woman at some point in their life would have an opportunity to hear her. A-maz-ing woman of God!

I also had an opportunity to speak with her and Cyndi (One of my hero's)  one on one. They were so encouraging to me. I poured my heart out to them. In the process I began to discover a lot of burdens that I was carrying that I needed to let go. Cyndi shared a picture that she felt like the Lord gave her for me. I was standing under a fountain and water was washing over me and I was happy! Boy oh boy did I ever need that water to wash over me. The Lord began to do a work in my heart there.

My times with Jesus have been sweeter. I am still being renewed and washed but honestly, that's a daily thing anyway. Margie shared two things that weekend that have been stuck in my mind. They were for me to hear. 

1.) She shared a truth that the Lord taught her and it's this simple. She heard the Lord tell her one day,

 "It's not a change in you but a reliance on me." 

Ding, ding ding! We have a winner! I mean, hello and duh! I am a doer. A fixer. I can come up with a plan and make something happen. The thing is, I can't make myself perfect. I can't make myself more like Jesus. I can't renew and replenish my own Spirit  It's Him. It's all Him and it's always been Him. I just have to rely on Him. *deep sigh of relief*

2.) Habakkuk 3:17-19 (Amplified Bible)

¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls,

¹⁸ Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation!

¹⁹ The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!

My version:

 When things are bad. When it seems like you can't move forward. REJOICE in the Lord of your salvation! He is your strength, your bravery, your army. He helps you to keep walking, not to just stand there and do nothing, but to keep walking and make progress. Not just physical progress but spiritual progress even in times of trouble, suffering and responsibility. 

Oh glory hallelujah! I seriously need that truth in my life. I have spent the last week and a half letting these two truths soak in. There are moments when I am still in the desert but let me just say that as these two truths have washed over me like a gushing fountain and I am totally renewed. God is so good. SO faithful. He knows just what we need. When I was in that dry place, He didn't love me any less. He is good! 

I felt a need to share this. Maybe because I just needed to write it down or maybe because someone really needed to hear it. Either way, there it is. I hope you are encouraged as I am! 

Baby and the Bank

Did you know that a baby doesn't have to break the bank? I didn't really know that. All I ever heard is that babies cost sooooo much. And yes, in a way that's true but it doesn't have to break the bank, or even come close. 

When I began the journey of motherhood, you know that glorious day I found out I was going to be a mom, money never even crossed my mind. All I saw were sweet giggles, lots of cuddles and I could already smell that sweet, sweet baby smell. I am sure some dollar sings crossed my husbands eyes though $$$$. Within a few weeks of the initial shock and excitement I started to think about it to. Money. This baby will not be free. In fact, this baby is going to cost us money, for a long time.... 

 We are a one income household. On top of that we are a support raising, one income household  There is not a lot of extra money floating around and the money tree in the backyard, well it doesn't exist. I began thinking, what will i do? How are we going to afford this baby. For a brief moment I didn't see the sweet face, those cute giggle and that wonderful smell. I started to have this image in my mind of a baby, sitting in a high chair, eating and eating and eating. Then I saw diapers, wipes, rash cream, medicine, clothes.... it was all looking not quite so...simple. 

I pulled myself together and the research began. I was going to save us money. I was not going to break the bank. I had 9 months to figure this thing out and dagnabit I would! 

So how have a saved all that money you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked because I am going to tell you!

Ladies and gentlemen, what you have all been waiting for, the money saving tricks of Lauren Clay! 

It started with a vision for cloth diapers. I posted a status on my blog saying something like: "Disposable or cloth diapers. Go!" Then the comments flooded in! A few from moms who cloth diaper, a LOT from moms who don't and none from moms who had done both. It looked something like this: 

Mom who cloth diapers: "We love cloth! Couldn't imagine doing something different. Message me for details!" 

Mom who doesn't cloth diaper (and never has): "Nasty! Don't do it! Way to much work!" 

I almost decided to just drop it and listen to the people who have never tired it but then I took two steps back and thought, "Wait, if they have never tried it how do they know?" So the research began. The questions flooded. "It is really that nasty?" "How much extra work would it take?" "Do they still use those white looking dish towels and safety pins?" "A lot of things have change over the years, have cloth diapers changed too?" 

Here is what I found out: 

It really isn't as nasty as I thought it would be. It's quite simple. Granted you get that one in a million diaper every now and again but I have never once thought, "This is just to nasty!" Come on, whether you use cloth or you throw the dang thing away either way you still end up dealing with poop. 

It takes me, on an average, about 15-20 min extra time each WEEK. Not bad. 

Cloth diapers have come a loooooong way. Totally easier and totally cute! 

I began the research of what kind of diaper I wanted to use. People, let me just say that when it comes to cloth diapering there are about 18 million options and everyone thinks the way that they do it is the best way! I had to take the route of saying, "What do I want out of my cloth diapering experience." For me I wanted simple, easy, something that would last through multiple kids and a diaper that would fit all the way through their diaper wearing years. 

This is what I ended up with: 

 

I LOVE them. Bumgenius is the brand that I decided on and I have ZERO complaints with them. If you want to know more about them just let me know. 

When it comes to cloth diapering one of the "pricey" things is the detergent you have to use. I found that I can use this: 

It is wonderful and super cheap! The thing is that detergent can't have softener  perfume, and other things. But 2 teaspoons on this and I am good to go and my wallet looks pretty good too! 

I have already MORE than paid for the initial investment I made in my diapers and they will last multiple kids. It doesn't get much better than that! We're talking hundreds and hundreds of dollars saved! 

Another way that I have saved crazy amount of money is by making my own baby food. This has not taken at all the amount of time that I thought it would! I normally take a little time on either Wednesday or Thursday afternoon and whip up a weeks worth of food to put in the fridge. I normally make it while I am in the kitchen cooking lunch or dinner and it is way to easy. 

 

I have also found that making fruit is a lot more difficult so I have opted for this: 

Bananas mashed up are super easy and cheap. This brand of apple sauce has no added sugar of any kind. You can buy fruit packs in the baby section but they cost around $1.50 each or you can go to the grocery section where the applesauce is and get a box of these (the only thing in it is fruit. Nothing else!) and the whole box is $2.50! 

Last thing - Now that baby is not nursing and I need formula I found this little treasure: 

This is from Sam's. If you don't have a Sam's card I bet you know someone that does! This is compared to the Enfamil and Symilac brands and we love it! The whole thing cost $23. If I went to Target or Wal-Mart a thing of formula that is about 1/3 of this size cost $25. It is a GREAT deal! 

So that's it. My baby saving, bank saving tips. Thought I would share how great it's been for us and I am happy to answer any questions people have. I know every family is different and you just do what you have to do. I also know that I have been doing most of this for close to 9 months and it has worked great. It is easy enough that I will do it when I have multiple kids no problem. I am serious! It really is not bad! 

Happy Saving! 

Trust

Trusting God. Something that I desire to do with every fiber of my being and yet my flesh is continually battling me and saying to trust in it (myself) and not God. This battle is truly not against flesh and blood. This is a spiritual battle. One that I am determined to lean on God for. It's funny to think that I can't fully trust Him without Him. 

Right now I am trusting him with my future. My families future. This past week was difficult to say the least. From the Election to having to give away my little dog and everything in between. Some things seem so much bigger than others and yet they all require trust. Not trust in myself. Not trust in my husband. Not trust in my circumstances. Not trust in my success. Trust in my Savior - the only one who is faithful, steadfast, never changing, always there.

Britt and I are looking to buy a house right now. We have been at the renting game for 3 years now. It feels like it is time. It is a leap of faith on a lot of levels for me but we feel like it is the wise decision for our family. Once I get my mind used to an idea I can't help but just say, "Let's do this!" But just because we decided we are ready does not mean the right house has come along. We thought the perfect house came along and the day we went to make an offer it went under contract. Trust. God has something even better in mind for our family. I am excited to see how God will provide.

Working at trusting God. It's what's going on with me these days. Thankful that I don't have to work on it alone. The flesh is weak but the spirit is able. So thankful.

I feel like I can't leave you without some cuteness....

Oh, this little boy. He stirs up this desire of mine to trust the Lord more and more. I am completely aware that I cannot be the mom I need to be without fully trusting this little man to the Lord. It's a daily thing and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I am thankful for that though - Thankful that I have a need to daily surrender to my Lord. 

I don't want to forget...

Blogging. I think that it is official that I am horrible at it. I really need to work on that because it's true, I don't want to forget. Not that a blog is the only way to remember but it seems like such a great place to put memories, pictures and stories all into one place.

So to catch me up so that I won't forget...

Squinting eyes from the sun...  

All those rolls...

Holding him when he sleeps...

 First time to eat "food"

First time to jump!

How much his daddy loves him...

Family walks...

How much he loves being outside...

those eyes....

I don't think that I could forget if I tried.

There is a reason...

There is a reason I have not posted in so long. We have been without a computer. I have an iphone but the thought of trying to write a blog post on that was terribly daunting. We have recently been blessed with a "new to us" computer. We are SO thankful for it! So, here I am nearly two months later trying to pick up where I left off. This is quite possibly easier said than done because a lot has happened in the past two months. Things like this...

He's kind of a big deal. :)

I hope to post my "birth story" soon. So those of you who love that kind of stuff stayed tuned and those of you who hate that stuff I will be sure to give you good warning in the post so that you have time to opt out before the details hit. ;)

Really, I am sure other things have happened in the past two months but I just can't remember much of anything else. This little fellow kind of takes up my world these days. I have a sneaky feeling that my blog may become more popular (that is if I post regularly) because who doesn't love to follow a blog with a cute baby and it's all about to become about this guy.

So, until next time enjoy these adorable photos and I hope to see you soon!

Beauty

It's Mothers Day. So many things come to mind. First, how blessed I am to have the mother that I have. How blessed I am to have the Mother-in-law that I have. What an amazing example they both are as they walk with God daily and rely on Him for their strength even in the midst of devastating trial. They have both shown this through the past year in their walk. I am s blessed to call them both mom. I also cannot help but think of Gods blessing in my life. How He makes beauty from ashes. Last year on Mothers Day I had just experienced the loss of a baby. So many questions ran through my head and honestly most questions are still nt answered. One thing however rang true then and is still true today. God is faithful! Although I do not understand all of His ways I have experienced and understand His love for me. What a gift! And his year I anticipate the arival of my precious son. I see God's goodness in so many ways. Beauty from ashes.

"Wow! You must be due any day now!"

Along with being pregnant I get some realllly interesting comments. At first I thought, "Man, I must be extra sensitive". Then I realized if I heard those things and I wasn't pregnant I would be very offended and just because I am pregnant doesn't mean I want to hear them.

This blog post is not to call anyone out. For the most part the comments come from strangers and this is a place I can write about it and laugh. However, I will be really careful from now on what I say to someone who is pregnant. I get comments like:

"You are going to get soooo much bigger"
"How far along are you again?!?!"
People I don't know touching my stomach. *weird*
People I don't know telling me what I 'should' be doing to not get stretch marks. haha... *weird again*

When you think about comments or actions like that for women who are not pregnant it is soooo rude and out of line. Despite the fact that there is a little person in me it is still my body. I am just graciously sharing the space. :)

I was at a birthday party last night and my sister-in-law's grandmother said, "Wow, you only have 81/2 weeks to go! You look great and don't look like you have gained a pound anywhere else!" I felt like I could kiss her. :) I love to hear "You are glowing" (don't really get the pregnancy glow thing but don't mind the comment) I guess all of that to say there ARE alternative comments if you feel you must comment.

So, to the lady at Wal-Mart - I think I figured out that for me a few stretch marks are inevitable and I am doing what I can to help them. Thank you for your input. (or not) :)

Have you ever been pregnant? What is something shocking that someone said to you?

Discipleship As A Mother

I was recently talking to a friend who shared with me a bit of a conversation that she had with another
mother/wife. My friend was asking her what she thought about incorporating discipleship in her home
while being a wife and mother and the reply was: “My Husband and I feel like right now my ministry is to
our children and they should be my sole focus.”

Your initial thought in hearing this comment might be admiration. I would never deny the fact that being
a wife and mother is beyond admirable and one of the greatest callings we as women can have. (Psalm
127:3) To neglect the gift that God gives through children is foolish. However, when I hear comments
like the one made my initial thought is not admiration but sorrow. Somewhere along the way that
couple missed the mark of what God has called us to do first and foremost - To make Him known!

If you make your children your ONLY focus what are you teaching them? That they are the most
important thing and nothing is more important. Once again, another statement that can so quickly
sound admirable but is not biblically correct. We need to be teaching our children that the kingdom of
God and His glory is the most important thing. “Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and
honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.” Revelation
4:11

If you create a “Holy Huddle” within your family you are making the goal of advancing Christ and His
kingdom impossible. Are you teaching them to reach the world by focusing on nothing but them? I
would dare to say no.

People often ask my parents what they did to raise us. They see my parents as successful because
they have four children who all love the Lord and desire to make Him known above all else. One of the
greatest things my parents ever did for my walk with God is opening their home to the lost and having a
continuous ministry. They protected us when necessary but they were also not afraid to get their hands
dirty. We had many talks on what we believe and why we believe it. These talks did NOT keep us from
reaching people who did not believe what we do.

Because of the choices my parents made to reach a lost world I saw firsthand Jesus in them. I saw what
it looked like to reach a lost world. “Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, let
him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but
whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.’” Matthew 16:24-25.

My parents continually denied themselves and followed after Christ. They recognized the impact a

family could have for the kingdom. As a result, my love for discipleship and the lost was born. This
change in my heart did not take place by hearing one amazing sermon, reading a great book or reaching
adulthood. This happened in my heart and life as a result of seeing it lived out in my parents’ lives.

To feel like you should not be making disciples because you are a mom is really not a favor to your
children. You are doing your children a HUGE disfavor. They are missing a part of Jesus that they could
see in you!

The past school year I discipled 4 college age girls by meeting with them during my lunch break and in
the evenings. I know that when my son arrives this summer things will look different for me. My life will
change in drastic ways. However, discipleship will be incorporated into that life. When my son arrives I
will be having girls come to my home and they may be there while I am feeding Brightson, changing his
diaper, cooking dinner, doing laundry, etc… But the meeting will still take place. You see, the method of
how I disciple will change but the principle remains.

The principle that we are ALL called to make disciples (there was no clause in the great commission for
mothers) is there. (Matthew 28:18-20) But everyone’s method may look different because discipleship
is “life-on-life” and every life is different. What is your method? If you don’t have a method what could
your method be?

I believe with all my heart that as you reach the world for Christ your children will watch, learn and
mimic what you do. They will see firsthand the principle of discipleship. They will know what it means
to “Go!” and make disciples. It happened in my life and a lot of the credit for that is due to my parents.
God willing my son will see a heart to reach the world and make Christ known because of my example.

So don’t let statements like the one that mother made make you think that it is ok to not be reaching
the lost and making disciples. It sounds good to the ears but it is not the way Christ intended the
Christian home to be used. We should not withdraw as believers and create a “safe”, “Holy Huddle” with
our children. We should prepare our children while we have the ability to influence them in the greatest
way possible - By showing them the love of Jesus as we reach a lost world.

Should you vote? Is that a question?

I have read several posts recently about the fact that Obama and Romney appear to be THE candidates. A lot of people who are unhappy with Obama are also concerned with the fact that Romney is a Mormon and therefore they are drawing the conclusion to not vote at all.

This makes me furious.

When we, as believers, decide we don’t like something and therefore choose to remove ourselves completely from the situation how is that helping and WHAT is it accomplishing?

It is the same mentality that I have seen my whole life in people who hold more conservative values. When they feel “threatened” they withdraw and create their own “Holy Huddle”. I ask again, what is that accomplishing???

Thousands of men have fought and died for our freedom and right to vote. No matter what SOMEONE will be elected and just because it is not the “far out right-winged conservative” that you wanted you STILL have a voice and you should STILL use it. Not only that but it is a way to be good stewards of our God given right.

It may feel like you are voting for the lesser of two evils (no matter who you choose to vote for) but all that I ask it that you vote. This is not a post about whether or not Obama or Romney should be who you vote for. I am not getting paid to help on their campaign. I am just fed up with Christians who withdraw when things seem difficult or they are out of their comfort zone. I am pretty sure that is NOT how we will reach the world or make a difference. NOTHING will change if you adopt this philosophy. 

4.10.10 - 4.10.12

Two Years ago today, mid afternoon, I was laying in bed taking a short nap before going out to meet some good friends for a dinner and "girl time". My phone rang and I thought, "I'll call them back in a few..." Then Britt's phone rang. And then mine again. I rushed to answer it seeing that it was my mom. Before I even answered the phone I had a gut wrenching feeling that something was not right. 

To my horror when I answered I knew instantly. Something was not right at all! As my mom tried to talk stumbling over her words through fear and a lot of tears she began to tell me that dad and Justin were in a horrible car accident. She said that as far as she knew Justin was stable and she 'thought' dad was breathing but wasn't sure. Those are not words that you want to hear. 

As I listened to her talk, trying to tell her it was going to be okay and feeling at the same time that nothing was okay, I stumbled around the apartment moving as quickly as possible trying to get out the door. I have never felt so weak at the knees like I might pass out. I grabbed my purse and for whatever reason actually thought, "I should grab a jacket, hospitals are cold." Why or how I thought of that I will never know. 

Of course all of this time Britt is looking at me wondering what is going on. I just said, "Get ready fast. Dad. Justin. Hospital." In the blink of an eye we were in the car. I picked up my phone to call one of the friends I was meeting to tell her I would not be there. The moment she picked up and I tried to start to talk and tell her the tears fell in full force. I had not really said out loud what had happened. It was like until the moment of saying it out loud it had not happened yet. 

We made it to OU Medical center in record time from Norman. I was fearful that we would not get to say goodbye if the Lord chose to take one of them. If possible, I would not miss that chance. Once we arrived I ran into the emergency room entrance. My mom was there. I hugged her and she just cried. It was awful. 

More family arrived and we were put in a small waiting room. More and more people began to arrive and we were moved to a large area. I don't remember the exact number, it is written down somewhere, but in the ballpark of 200-300 people came through that night alone. It is overwhelming to see how loved we are. 

We were able to go back and see Justin. He was beat up with a broken ankle and shoulder. He also lost the tips of some fingers and he had a TON of scratches and bruises as well as very blood shot eyes. He was honestly better than I had prepared myself for which was good. We even joked a bit about some money he thought he lost in the accident. I told him the paramedics probably stole it. :) Mom said, "Oh, you guys stop, Justin I will give you the $20." He soon followed with saying, "Will you put it in my hand right now?" :) Our world felt like it was falling apart but in that moment I smiled and laughed and man did I need it. 

At this point we still did not know much about dad. We knew he was still alive but the wait to see him or hear was agonizing. Finally a Dr. called my older brother Brandon, my younger brother Jon, my mom and myself back to talk. My heart was racing. He began to list off dad's injuries that they were aware of. The list was ridiculously long and scary. My mom frantically signed papers that would allow emergency surgery to remove a bleeding/busted organ, inflate his lungs and anything else needed. Injuries I remember:

Busted Spleen

Most if not all ribs broken

Collapsed lungs

Shattered pelvic bone

Possible other broken bones 

Possible Trauma to the Head

There were more. I just can't remember them all. The Dr. said they were doing everything that they could and we should pray he would make it through the night. He told us it was bad, really bad. 

We waited and waited and waited. It was close to 11 that evening I believe before we were FINALLY able to go and see him. It was scary. They believed their was bleeding in the brain and they induced a coma medically to help him rest. That first night he was VERY restless. We would tell him what happened. That he was hurt but they were taking care of him. That Justin was okay. He would calm down for a bit. He looked bad but so much of what was wrong we couldn't see. We just knew it was there. 

After that restless night he became still. So still it was scary. They decided to wing him off the medicine to see if he would wake up. After several days of nothing it was determined that the coma they thought was only medically induced was not. He was in a coma and there was no way to know if or when he would wake up and in what state he would wake up. 

It was a little over a month before I saw him awake. Longer than that before I talked to him. Over two months before he even began to remember things. 

While he was sleeping so many things happened. They repaired, to the best of their ability his pelvic bone, lungs and other things. It was by God's mercy he was not awake for it. It saved him severe pain. 

When he woke up he was able to talk and after a while he knew who we were. That was by God's mercy as well. We saw, ever so slightly, improvement. Some days a lot and some says it felt like none. But God was working. 

The questions rang in our head, "God why?" I looked at my mom and thought "God why?" I cried myself to sleep too many nights thinking "God why? What is your plan in this?" I just could not see it. A lot of people told me a LOT of things but I remember two very specific things said by two people. 

"God NEVER gives us more than we can carry even though it may feel like to much to bare." 

"Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes God calms the child." 

I have said these two things to myself many times. I still remind myself of them to this day. 

The road was long. It is still a long road. Our life is more different then we could ever imagine. However, my God is the same! He was the same on April 10, 2010 and He is the same today April 10, 2012. Twenty years form now He will still be the same. So who is He you ask?

He is sustainer

He is enough

He is healer

He is provider

He is good

He is aba father

He is faithful

He is mercy

He is all that I need. 

I knew these things before that awful day. But I never knew them in the way that I know them now. My ability to relate with others suffering is so much greater. My ability to rely on God in times of utter confusion and defeat is greater. My faith has increased. I could have walked away bitter. Things are still different. They will never be the same. But I find myself loving and praising God all the more. 

I can say with all my heart that He is good! 

Baby Randomness

Random things about Pregnancy:

How many people touch your belly and comment saying, "It's so hard!". I usually reply with a smart comment about 'Tthe greatest workout routine ever'. :)

How many people smile and are just all around more friendly.

How when I walk around on campus or near the dorms people are not write as friendly and look at you like "Oh, that girl." Brings new meaning to "Timing is everything".

Food cravings. A love hate relationship. I told Britt that it is like you think about a food that sounds good and no matter how hard you try you can't stop thinking about it.

Target with Britt. He LOVES looking at the baby stuff. There is one particular swimming suite that he wants SO bad. I keep making him wait until our shower.

Speaking of Showers. So fun as it approaches! People have already given me some things. I love it! It makes it so real!

Being sentimental. Thinking about the upcoming holidays or events with Little Man a part of them.

Touring the labor and delivery floor where I will have him.

Drinking nasty stuff for a test.

The cost of some clothing. Ridiculous. They totally rip off pregnant women!

Thinking, "I know a lot about babies. I can do this mom thing" and then realizing I have no clue how often you bathe a newborn. Sooo... What am I getting myself into? :)

Getting the nursery ready. I can't wait to go in there and just stare. Picturing him in there.

The scare that Little Man gave me the other day. I didn't feel him kick for a long time. Almost 24 hours. I did EVERYTHING to try to make him kick. I call the Dr. As I am waiting on a call back he decides to start moving. This child does NOT preform on command.

Speaking of preforming on command. The way that he will be having a jam session in my belly and the moment someone touches it to feel the world is silent.


I love the random, silly, funny moments and I don't want to forget them.

Cucumbers and Parenting

Week 26.

 I am in week 26 of my pregnancy right now. 

Saturday I will hit week 27, that is the third trimester! 

Every week that I am pregnant I get an email introducing my "new week". And every week the baby's size is compared to some food. How on earth they choose the foods that they do I will never know. Week 26 was a  English Hothouse Cucumber. What the heck is the difference in that and a regular cucumber? 

 

They are using the picture more to depict the length not the mass (thank God!). I am thankful for the quarter in the picture because I have no way to know how long that is. It truly makes me laugh every week and is probably the NOT the most endearing thing you could compare a baby to. "Hey you cute little 'English Hothouse Cucumber' you!" 

PalEAse! 

It's fun to joke about the fact that my baby boy is compared to strange food on a weekly basis but in all reality he is not cucumber. He is a real life, breathing, in the flesh, coming in three months whether I am ready or not,

BABY!

 HUMAN!

 OUR RESPONSIBILITY! 

Eck! 

Am I excited? Yes! 

More excited than a kid on Christmas! More excited than someone who just won a gazillion dollars!  More excited than getting 100 English Hothouse Cucumbers! 

Seriously excited! 

Am I scared? Yes.

When I think of the responsibility it is at times overwhelming. And it's not like I am an old pro at this parenting thing. Sure, I have said the classics: "I will never do that to my kids", "My kid will NEVER act like that", "THIS is how WE would handle this situation". Those are all cheap words now. Sure I thought that was realistic then. I can say "THIS is the kind of parent I will be" but what am I basing that off of? I can assure you it is NOT years and years of experience. When it comes down to it I don't know a whole lot. 

So here I am. This person who really doesn't know what I am truly getting myself into yet all of that aside it does not alter the fact that Britt and I are 100% responsible for raising this child. 

Wow. 

So today I realized how stinking grateful I am that it actually is NOT just Britt and I. Just like it is NOT just Britt and I in our marriage. There is another factor. 

God. 

SO thankful for the fact that I never walk through any new, scary, challenging situation on my own. SO thankful that my success is not based on my knowledge (although I totally know that seeking wise council from people will help a TON). SO thankful that I can say my dependence on the Lord as a believer, a wife, a MOM is what will determine my success. SO thankful that I am aware of how incapable I am and that I TRULY need the Lord's help. I could never do this without Him. How do people do this without Him?

With that in mind is there still a little fear? Yes. But there is an aspect of adventure, anticipation, not being able to wait to see how God works through this completely incapable vessel to raise a child. Raise a child that loves the Lord and fears Him. Raise a child that has a heart for the lost. Raise a child that calls my God-MY Abba Father, by the same name. Wow! I could NEVER do that alone but I cannot wait for the opportunity to be used by God to help lead my little man in that direction. 

So much wisdom needed here! 

So thankful for my Lord!

The List(s)

Things that I can't wait for. Sometime they keep me going. You know, the next "big thing"? I have this check list of small 'events' and large ones coming up between now and when little man arrives.

the small things...

*Getting my iphone - I have the worlds most janky phone. It is over four years old and does absolutely nothing cool. I barley takes pictures. I have never been the cool phone girl and I probably still won't be since I will most likely get the 0.96$ iphone but it will be cool to me. And I will be able to take pictures whenever and share them with you!


*Getting my hair cut - I am embarrassed to say that it has been almost a year. That my friends is beyond horrible. Our budget has not allowed it and so I have set dreaming about the day. It is almost here! Hopefully next month!


*Cutting Chloe (the dog's hair).  - Done and done. It was on the list to take her to the groomer but I got sick and tired of it and I did it myself three nights ago. Yes, she has several bald spots no it won't kill her or me. AND, bonus, it was FREE!


*Girls weekend - I have 3 dear friends who I love getting together with. Love being an understatement. Every few months we plan a time to get together. We don't plan it enough and when we are together the time flies by. I can't wait until this Saturday. It's been too long this time. Our group will be "splitting" in June for awhile so I want to take in every moment while I can. I love these ladies. They are the sisters I never had.

the big things...

* Spring Break Conference - We take a group of students to Colorado Springs (300 students) every spring break for a discipleship training conference. It is an intense week with a lot of information but it is also so refreshing too. I see God work in the hearts of students and each year I have been I have seen people come to know Him. I am aware of at least 3 lost students going this year and I can't wait to see what God does!


* Easter - I love Holidays and I love Easter. I can't wait to see my nieces hunt eggs and eat a great lunch with my families. Even more I can't wait to celebrate Christ Resurrection. Not that I have to wait but I love the time set aside to truly do that and the work that always takes place in my heart.


* Britt's Birthday - I love celebrating life and what a better life to celebrate!


* Spring Banquet. Our last end of the year celebration with the students. A time to honor the seniors in our ministry.


* Ending my job - This is bitter sweet. I am excited about this new chapter in life and I am scared at the same time. In our two years of support raising we have always had my income to back up on. We are giving that up now and taking a pay cut. I am trusting, trusting God, or at least working on it. It has been a stretch for me but I am excited to see what He does!


* My Little brothers wedding. - That's weird to say out loud and type. He's getting married. That makes three of us down and one to go. Although, I hope my 16 year old brother has no intention of marrying anytime soon! haha


* My Birthday - It is close to when little man gets here but I plan to still celebrate! I LOVE birthdays! 


* Our Anniversary - Three years. Crazy!!!


* Drum roll please...... - He will be coming! 


Counting it down truly does help me. Finding the little and big things in-between. I can't wait to meet this little guy!

Craziness. February. Nesting.

I told someone recently that the month of February has been one of the craziest months we have had yet while working on staff at the Baptist Student Union. This is kind of funny because historically August is the most difficult with all the "coming back to school" activities. August is a cake walk compared to February. I don't know how it happened, it just did. Before February even hit it was totally booked. I mean totally!

I was sick last week. I got a brake. Not the kind I wanted. If you didn't know, being pregnant and getting sick on top of that is just plain horrible! I wanted to die. But not really.

I had free time this last Monday afternoon. Do you want to know what I did with that glorious, "it's been so long it's nice to see you!", "where have you been?" kind of free time????? Huh, huh? Do you want to know?

I cleaned our room.

Is it too early to stat nesting?

Nevertheless, it has begun. I can't clean out enough closets, cabinets and drawers. I am aching to get rid of things. Out with the old and in with the new! New being baby cloths, burp rags and bottles. But hey, I would take that any day!

So now. It is February 29th (By the way, do Doctors factor in leap years when predicting your due date? This question has been driving me nuts!) and March is here like, tomorrow!

Hello March! Goodbye February. I really won't miss you.

March has it's own share of crazy but along with it there are a few free days thrown in there and I am elated! One day is going to be spent with dear friends which I am thrilled about! The other days, well... we will see what my nesting urge brings about. :)

My Men

It hit me today that I have two men in my life to share Valentines Day with! 

Man #1)

The man I married. The man I said forever to. The man I can't imagine my life without. 

Words cannot express how thankful I am for my husband, Britt. He is by far the best husband out there and I am not saying that out of obligation or for the sake of just saying it. I truly believe it with all my heart. I have never been so loved by anyone in my life and we are talking about the good and the bad days here. He is so consistent in the way that he loves, respects and cherishes me. His love is unconditional and he continually challenges me, and causes me to want to be a better wife for him. Happy Valentines Day baby! I love you!

Man # 2 (a.k.a. Little Man)

My little man. The guy whose face I have not even really seen has captured my heart completely. You never understand the type of love a parent has until you experience it. Even though he has yet to make his "official" appearance into this world he is very much so already a part of my life and I cannot imagine life without him. I cannot wait to see him, hold him and kiss his little cheeks. He has stolen my heart in every sense of the word. Happy Valentines Day Brightson James!

Signing off, 

One extremely blessed woman. 

Retreat

We had a retreat with our Leadership Team this past weekend. It was a great time to relax, fellowship, and get to know each other better!

 A Group Picture is always a must!        

                                    

  We did a low ropes course. The students really had a great time!

Most of the girls. They didn't want to hide the baby! haha

 Loved this picture!

 We did so man fun things that weekend! We truly love the students that we work with and feel so blessed to be able to invest in their lives!

On the way home we made a stop at Pops on Rt. 66! It was the perfect way to end a great weekend!